Extreme Separation Anxiety from Boyfriend

Hello I am new to this forum and really need support. All of my friends and family are sick of hearing about my issue. It torments me daily. I can't use my rational mind to change the obsession that once my bf and I part for the day, I will never see him again.

He is supportive and texts and calls throughout the day but it never seems to be enough to calm my nerves. Today he is golfing and will probably not be in touch until later. I automatically assume that I will never see him again. Please help!

I can relate to this 110%. This is a very real feeling to me too, so I understand where you are coming from.

Some things that work to help such a fear:
1. Keep it written down that he is here with you and that he is not going anywhere. It will help keep this in mind when the emotional thoughts start rampaging.
2. Have something that is his with you (whether it's clothes, a picture, anything works)
3. Text him if you need too, and even if you wait for his reply, just being able to text him shows that he's real
4. Try to keep yourself distracted so that you can't focus on the thoughts as much.

These work pretty well for me. The feeling is still there, but these make it more manageable on me. I'm glad he is supportive, that's always good to hear!

when i feel that separation anxiety i just talk to other boyfriendish-guy

Thanks for the advice. I have a problem with reaching out to him via text or calling b/c if he doesn't respond immediately, I am paralyzed with panic and cannot work. I have curled up in the fetal position, hyperventilating. Sometimes I feel like its not worth having a relationship because I don't feel "real" when I'm away from him.

I will try writing down that he is here with me and try to read that over and over. I like that idea.

yYyYy wrote::o when i feel that separation anxiety i just talk to other boyfriendish-guy

I used to be able to do that but I'm so in love with him, no one else can be a substitute. I truly love him, unlike other obsessive relationships. It scares me.

rcline wrote:Thanks for the advice. I have a problem with reaching out to him via text or calling b/c if he doesn't respond immediately, I am paralyzed with panic and cannot work. I have curled up in the fetal position, hyperventilating. Sometimes I feel like its not worth having a relationship because I don't feel "real" when I'm away from him.

I will try writing down that he is here with me and try to read that over and over. I like that idea.

I understand. I'll get panic-y like that too. What you have to do, is when you text him, set your phone next to you, and force yourself to do ANYTHING. It's not always fun to do (I've used school, and that's awful), but just as a distraction. I've learned that as time goes on, the more you do this, the easier it becomes. It's still hard, but it will get easier.

Oh, one thing that works too is reading all saved texts. It's a small thing, but it helps too.

I really hope that it helps you. Please let me know.

aliveatnight wrote:

rcline wrote:Thanks for the advice. I have a problem with reaching out to him via text or calling b/c if he doesn't respond immediately, I am paralyzed with panic and cannot work. I have curled up in the fetal position, hyperventilating. Sometimes I feel like its not worth having a relationship because I don't feel "real" when I'm away from him.

I will try writing down that he is here with me and try to read that over and over. I like that idea.

I understand. I'll get panic-y like that too. What you have to do, is when you text him, set your phone next to you, and force yourself to do ANYTHING. It's not always fun to do (I've used school, and that's awful), but just as a distraction. I've learned that as time goes on, the more you do this, the easier it becomes. It's still hard, but it will get easier.

Oh, one thing that works too is reading all saved texts. It's a small thing, but it helps too.

I really hope that it helps you. Please let me know.

Thank you so much. Its so wonderful to hear from someone who understands. All my friends dismiss my fears as irrational. This is so real to me though. I will try calling or texting him this afternoon and see how I can handle it.

I try to go back and read saved texts but as the hours tick by, it almost makes me more anxious because I think of all kinds of reasons as to why he isn't currently in touch. If more than 2 hours pass, I become convinced that he is done with me.

How long have you been with your significant other? Are they supportive of your abandonment issues?

rcline wrote:Thank you so much. Its so wonderful to hear from someone who understands. All my friends dismiss my fears as irrational. This is so real to me though. I will try calling or texting him this afternoon and see how I can handle it.

I try to go back and read saved texts but as the hours tick by, it almost makes me more anxious because I think of all kinds of reasons as to why he isn't currently in touch. If more than 2 hours pass, I become convinced that he is done with me.

How long have you been with your significant other? Are they supportive of your abandonment issues?

Of course It helps hearing it when we feel so alone. I really hope it works. Let me know, alright? And if you need a distraction, I'm sure we can come up with something!

I understand. That's why you gotta take your mind off of it. And try to remember while you're reading them, that "I have these because he cares and he loves me. He'll be back."

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he's very supportive of it. He does everything he can to make sure I don't react, and it's very helpful.

aliveatnight wrote:

rcline wrote:Thank you so much. Its so wonderful to hear from someone who understands. All my friends dismiss my fears as irrational. This is so real to me though. I will try calling or texting him this afternoon and see how I can handle it.

I try to go back and read saved texts but as the hours tick by, it almost makes me more anxious because I think of all kinds of reasons as to why he isn't currently in touch. If more than 2 hours pass, I become convinced that he is done with me.

How long have you been with your significant other? Are they supportive of your abandonment issues?

Of course It helps hearing it when we feel so alone. I really hope it works. Let me know, alright? And if you need a distraction, I'm sure we can come up with something!

I understand. That's why you gotta take your mind off of it. And try to remember while you're reading them, that "I have these because he cares and he loves me. He'll be back."

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he's very supportive of it. He does everything he can to make sure I don't react, and it's very helpful.

That's wonderful...I didn't know that men like that existed. I've always had to hide these fears before or be rejected. My current bf knows that I am terrified but I'm still afraid that I'm going to push him away with my neediness. I've sobbed and started arguments when he tells me that he has made other plans..this can't be easy for him. I'm working on being more supportive and not doing that but I still need to know exactly when he will return and ask him to text frequently. What man will put up with this?

Do you see your bf everyday? How much time apart are you able to manage?

-- Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:32 pm --

aliveatnight wrote:

rcline wrote:Thank you so much. Its so wonderful to hear from someone who understands. All my friends dismiss my fears as irrational. This is so real to me though. I will try calling or texting him this afternoon and see how I can handle it.

I try to go back and read saved texts but as the hours tick by, it almost makes me more anxious because I think of all kinds of reasons as to why he isn't currently in touch. If more than 2 hours pass, I become convinced that he is done with me.

How long have you been with your significant other? Are they supportive of your abandonment issues?

Of course It helps hearing it when we feel so alone. I really hope it works. Let me know, alright? And if you need a distraction, I'm sure we can come up with something!

I understand. That's why you gotta take your mind off of it. And try to remember while you're reading them, that "I have these because he cares and he loves me. He'll be back."

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he's very supportive of it. He does everything he can to make sure I don't react, and it's very helpful.

That's wonderful...I didn't know that men like that existed. I've always had to hide these fears before or be rejected. My current bf knows that I am terrified but I'm still afraid that I'm going to push him away with my neediness. I've sobbed and started arguments when he tells me that he has made other plans..this can't be easy for him. I'm working on being more supportive and not doing that but I still need to know exactly when he will return and ask him to text frequently. What man will put up with this?

Do you see your bf everyday? How much time apart are you able to manage?

rcline wrote:That's wonderful...I didn't know that men like that existed. I've always had to hide these fears before or be rejected. My current bf knows that I am terrified but I'm still afraid that I'm going to push him away with my neediness. I've sobbed and started arguments when he tells me that he has made other plans..this can't be easy for him. I'm working on being more supportive and not doing that but I still need to know exactly when he will return and ask him to text frequently. What man will put up with this?

Do you see your bf everyday? How much time apart are you able to manage?

He's absolutely amazing, and very supportive, but he's very tired of hearing about the same problems. He will do everything he can to help, but he doesn't want me to keep complaining. It's for my own good, I know, but it's still hard to rely on myself. I've done the same, except I tend to not say anything, and once he says he's leaving I start crying. Yes, I need to know when he'll be back, I hate not having a time, and if it's broken then I get extremely emotional. And he offered to text me to keep me calm.

Actually, it's currently long distance. However, we talk literally all the time, unless someone has to go somewhere or if he's mad at me.
If he's out doing something that he has to do (i.e. a doctor appointment), I'm able to wait a good amount of time. But if it involves hanging out with another person, I will lose it very quickly. And I split the person that he's hanging out with black. I can't help it.