how do i keep my mouth shut

i get very depressed and lonely at times and any friend comes along and then i tell, hey listen i got BPD and was abused as a child. how do i shut up, it's like i'm crying for self pity and then after telling it to them, i regret saying it to them...like i'm self publicizing my BPD..how do i stop standing in self pity

I know exactly what you mean. I wish I had more people to talk to openly in my life about my condition so I could just get feedback. On the one hand, I don't think a condition needs to be repressed or hidden, but on the other hand, it's not fair to those who have no knowledge or training about it to feel like they are being put on the spot or challenged to know how to help you.

Part of the problem with BPD is that we are often lost and confused about socioemotive skills which would determine how we should act around others. Part of what we need is training, just as you are requesting, in how to behave more functionally. Don't feel as if you shouldn't have someone to talk to about it. Just realize that you should have someone close, someone who is knowledgeable of your condition like some here might be, and/or a professionally trained therapist to open up to about it, not a random person you just met. Even if you really like them and feel like you can trust them, you should protect yourself from yourself and make some mandatory distance rules to follow.

If you haven't got anyone to chat with, talking to yourself can fill the gaps too. I use different extreme voices in my head to argue with each other until some weird confusing notion of my low self esteem winds up on it's head. Like one part of me saying I'm worthless and the other side saying I'm not worthless, just stupid for thinking that I'm worthless. Then another part of me thinks, "you know it's so obvious that you would be less stupid if you just realised how much you're just like everyone else." And then the side of me that says I'm worthless goes to war with the side of me that is pissed off for being so stupid until the voices tire out into a balance by thinking that I don't have to be perfect because what I am is human and nothing more.

So, um, yeah. I think it sounds like you just need to practice the right time and place to unload sort of thing. I'm here and so are many others if you have no one else to talk to about your condition.

yes, this forum is indeed very helpful