abusive friends and family

I 've been diagnosed with BPD for 10 years (i'm 26). My family has had a hard time admitting to my problem due to fact that my parents have been greatly responible for my problem (my mother doesn't want to acknowledge sexual abuse suffered by my uncle) Everyone is very hush hush about the whole incident because my father had threatend her in the past that if he ever found out that a member of her family had ever touched me he would have someone killed... My mother has managed through the years to turn everything around and made me feel for years that I was the perpetrator of that incident, calling me a whore and such but then telling me to shut up becaude I WAS GOING TO GET A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY KILLED. She has been physically and verbally abusive to me for as long as I can remember , and by the way divorced my fatehr to marry a pedophile (his ex-wife gave us a copy of his conviction and therapy proceedeures which he never attended). I hate my mother. Anyways, getting to the point, I 've started therapy I haven't dropped out and have been attending for about 5 months. I haven't cut myself in 5 years but the last month has been hellish because I went through cutting, downing massive amounts of pills and ending in the hospital and also , last week, a panic attack. Which gave me the honor of receiving phone calls from friends and family calling me an unproductive member of society because I'm on sick leave and also"Who the ###$ do you think you are, you think you're ######6 special cause you have BPD?" "Snap out of it , YOU DON"T EVEN LOOK HAPPY IN YOU KID PICTURES!" -----Can't they see that if I wasn't happy then I DO HAVE A PROBLEM?"why don't you get up and go you to work ? OH and by the way I've always had a job sometimes 2 and wasd attending university at the same time.... but it doesn't seem to count now because I've been on sick leave for 2 months.. One of them seems to get great pleasure in playing whith my head by calling me and I quote "You useless , unproductive ######6 @@@@@@@" (my sisters boyfriend, who used to be my friend for 8 years)------
And then saying"You know I only say this out of love !" He also makes fun of me because I see a shrink 3 times a week which is part of my therapy and by the way I'm not on government insurance I am on private insurance hence the possibility of my sick leave from work. I'm not on welfare I don't ask them for anything. They blame me for not wanting to go out. They (my sister and her boyfriend) use me to cover up lies . They use my place to hang out and sleep together. They imposde themselves on me. My father has always helped me financially (because he can) if I ever needed anything. Oh yeah I forgot, they also call me spoiled ungratefull child. I need to know how to protect myself....I can't take it...also my sister's boyfirend said that my suicide was inevitable...In front of everyone and no one said anything.
Thanxs for reading ...sorry it is such a long post...HELP!

Hi there, and welcome to the forum.

Sorry you haven't gotten a response, this can happen for many reasons, one being the weekend.

Another, bpd tend to write in long paragraphs, yet don't have the patience to read one.

Seperating lines will help your future letters.

I hope you get a response from someone who relates, it may be soon,

"Can't they see that if I wasn't happy then I DO HAVE A PROBLEM?"

No as these people are scum and seem to live only to abuse you.

Do your very best to ignore everything they say.

"He also makes fun of me because I see a shrink 3 times a week which is part of my therapy and by the way I'm not on government insurance I am on private insurance hence the possibility of my sick leave from work."

This guy sounds like he's mad because he hasn't broken your spirit to keep fighting and wanting a better life.

Never let his bad words stop you from improving yourself.

"I'm not on welfare I don't ask them for anything. They blame me for not wanting to go out. They (my sister and her boyfriend) use me to cover up lies . They use my place to hang out and sleep together. They imposde themselves on me. My father has always helped me financially (because he can) if I ever needed anything. Oh yeah I forgot, they also call me spoiled ungratefull child. I need to know how to protect myself....I can't take it...also my sister's boyfirend said that my suicide was inevitable...In front of everyone and no one said anything.
Thanxs for reading ...sorry it is such a long post...HELP!"

The thing about you committing suicide is just more ways for them to vent their wreckless unwarranted hatred of you.

If you really have been suicidal from their abuse just know they are not worthy people for you to care so much about their opinion that you would end your life over it.

As for protecting yourself maybe you could ask your therapist for exact steps to take on this.

To me it seems if at all possible the best course of action would be to get all of these destructive people out of your life.

Their abuse is probably why you have bpd and I believe for you to ever begin to start to heal from it, it is absolutely essential to be around people that really care about you.

If your sister and her boyfriend really do invade your house perhaps calling the police would be a good option as well as a restraining order if you feel the guy your sister or both will get violent towards you.

These toxic people seem bound and determined to take you down with them and you can't let that happen.

K, the one thing I admire about you is your down to earth, put it like it is, see it for what it is, and say it like it it, personality. It livin
s thing up when you are in a good mood.

wns, The one thing i'll never forget my therapist said to me, Was that leaving home, and I'm not saying "leave home", but he told me, that under the circumstances it was "
Self preservation.

go where you are happy and stable .

Thanks dee.

I greatly respect you and the other BPD girls for coming to this forum and sharing your thoughts with all of us as well as all of the great courage each of you exhibit in doing so.

K, and I greatly appreciate your inspirational and support posts.

do you by chance have bpd, if you don't mind me asking?

Oh no its just that I've read and learned so much about all of this stuff I simply feel like helping wherever necessary lol.

It's much appreciated. No matter how much I lived this, or studied it , it is so deep. So many repressed memories, and anger that couldn't be let out when needed to constructively. And the abuse, it's just so unjust, but while many let go of the abusive individuals, others can't let go for some reason.

We have lost our SELF, and that's a damn hard thing to relearn. reteach, reparent.

I truely believe it is just too much anxiety at a young age, and our brains can't calculate the extremes, and dissaciate ourselfs in a way, we get lost somewhere, between fear and anger, and guilt, rage, and then there is the abandonment issues, we don't feel we deserve anything good, or if we find someone we test them to make sure they really love us, as we love them in our defined cautious way. And to imagine all this eating at us, ...we become depressed at times, and have even known to have psychosis from the stress, ie. ptsd with bpd. But you might already know this.

Shesh long paragraph aye?

But anyway, just some thought to ponder,

Have a great day ya'll

This is going to be tough but your family seems to want to hurt you more than help you. When you feel like you are finally moving on and progressing does your family say mean hurtful things that bring you back down? If yes, they aren't helping your situation at all and if you can, try to cut ties for a while.

Shrinks might not advise that as a good idea but someone in your situation needs support, not a reason to hurt yourself.