Scared to get better?

Ok, I'm new here, so this may have been talked about before, so super sorry in advance...I always get things wrong.
Basically I'm BPD, depression and social anxiety. I've been steadily getting better after hitting rock bottom last year. But I'm getting more and more scared of getting better, and I've started searching out things that I know will trigger my impulses. I've SH'd for 2 years, heavy drinker... etc... generally getting into trouble with family, police, myself... I just don't understand myself! arn't I meant to be happy to get better?! Can't I just be better then done?
I get scared that when I get better the help will go, the understanding, the psychiatrists and the CPN I have become incredibly attatched to. it's been 2 years of weekly visits... no one trusting me will pills, and I've grown to like it, like getting mothered and cared for. I'm terrified to get better!
Any one else feel the same? Or am I totally alone? How do you cope?

Yes, I do understand that. I love the feeling of people caring what I do, the questions if you get upset, just the treatment in general. I'm also scared of what being "better" will entail. After all, BPD is all I know. So I think you're very normal in that regard.

http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/topic107606.html
Perhaps this will help as well.

Also, don't be afraid to ask anything. Don't worry about if it's been asked before, people will still help you anyways!
And welcome!