I just want to disappear

I'm sick of this. Meds don't work. Therapy don't work. I just want to disappear. Be done with! I hate life!

I understand how you feel, I really do. But we can't give up on life because of this stupid disorder. We are more than BPD will ever be, even if it doesn't feel like it. To give up because of it is to let it win.

You can do it. You are stronger than it ever will be!

I understand how it feels. I myself have been suicidal more than once.
Sometimes we need to feel there's a way out of it all. But we also need to remember that all isn't bad. I get it, telling you to fight is futile. It was for me anyways. But please try to remember the good things in life. There will come a time, a moment, you never want to end. You will feel good again. trust me, you will. And for me, those moments is all worth fighting for.

I really hope you get yourself through this. There will be better times worth living for.

I understand that I shouldn't give up. It's just that I get so angry and stressed and exhausted by it. I just wish it would go away and I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I'm taking a cold bath, tub is filling up now. It cools me down.

It doesn't help that I cut down the rest of the way on caffeine. I hate having to use it as a crutch. It ends up making me feel worse because of the anxiety. But then without it I just feel #######5. I end up eating more and gaining weight.

Its frustrating. It seems like all I can ever do is struggle. It drives me nuts.

minotauros wrote:I'm sick of this. Meds don't work. Therapy don't work. I just want to disappear. Be done with! I hate life!

Ye life sucks but you don't! You may one day be the reason this life can be beautiful. You know what I've discovered recently...that for every evil/bad person out there- there are 5 good ones to counter. I think everyone has purpose in this life..you don;t have to be a hero or to save someone's life to feel good, save your own- and be a hero.

My brain still wants to think about people who aren't good for me. Anything to fill the void. Anything that really doesn't do me any good. Anything to get me to miss people I no longer talk to, then get angry at what they did to me. Why? Why? Why? Make it stop! I hate this.

See, what frustrates me is its easier to walk away from these emotions before they get bad when I'm taking meds. But meds make me depressed and they even made me feel suicidal. I just feel like I can't win no matter what I freaking do. I just want to be better.

I do meditate but not nearly enough. It's 5 in the freaking morning and I can't sleep. And now its too late to sleep because I won't wake up to my alarm clock. I'm so pissed at myself right now. It's not even funny.

*

Alot lately. I went to the hospital and they sent me home without doing any med changes or anything at all. I've been having suicidal thoughts and was looking up ways to kill myself earlier.