BPD and overtexting and overcalling

Hello,

I am new here and was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. I have lost so many friends I have lost count on the count of the fact that I have crossed many boundaries and have not respected anyone's wishes to only leave it at one text or one voicemail.

I so far have not seen any posts about this. I feel like I am the only one with this problem. I think it is because I want a response so badly I cannot control my urges.

I have been in DBT therapy and have recently quit sessions with my therapist, mostly because of money and also I felt bad for her because I feel she has done all she can with me and has nothing further to advise me. I feel as though I now have to control my urges and work very hard on my skills that I learned. Does this sound right?

I have just lost 2 more friends because of my issues and I think now I am taking a very hard look at my actions and behaviors and that I need to really start respecting boundaries in order to maintain relationships.

Just wondering if anyone has similar experiences? I tried to view the other posts in this forum but I keep getting an error message each time so I apologize in advance if this has been covered in the past.

Thanks for letting me join.

Amy

bunnyladyus wrote:Just wondering if anyone has similar experiences? I tried to view the other posts in this forum but I keep getting an error message each time so I apologize in advance if this has been covered in the past.

Hey there,
I too have difficulty overcalling, particularly if I am anxious about something. Sometimes the search feature will not work if there are too many people visiting the site, the site administrator is aware of the issue. From what I have read from other people's experiences, this seems to be something common to many people diagnosed with BPD. I have found that finding something physical to do to distract myself has been helpful. Anything to get me away from the phone for awhile until the person can call me back.

I hate calling people, however I can blow up someone's phone with texts because I start feeling ignored
You're in no way alone here!

I have this problem and I'm sure a lot of other people in this forum do. It's annoying to other people, but pretty much necessary for us because of the fear of abandonment.

The best thing that anyone can do, imo, is distract themselves and know that the other person is probably just busy or their phone is dead/lost or on silent. My basic rule is to call once and then text a while (2 or more hours) later saying everything that I need to tell them. You have to keep in mind that the person will probably contact you once they see that you've called and texted them, so if they haven't yet, just assume that they either didn't see it or are too busy to answer. All of that usually keeps me from overcalling/overtexting, but it takes a while to get to the point where you're completely comfortable with it.

Exactly what littlearcher said, to a T! That is exactly what I feel.. It upsets me a bit, because I think that it will just happen again, with someone else.. I've overtexted a lot of the people I've been with.. And lost them as friends. But then with some of them it was probably for the best, ha!

I'd like to ask, a little OT, do any of you write big replies to people, like on Facebook, or even by text, whilst someone may only write a sentence, do you respond with whole paragraphs, I do and I notice this about me, but I can't stop.. It's a kind of self-centred thing, I think.. But not just that, it's like I always have to thoroughly explain what I think..

I just posted about this same thing. I do this too. If I'm anxious or feeling ignored I will send many texts. I am more likely to text than call, but I have called as well. This is when I'm with someone... and sometimes this 'with' isn't even official dating just someone I sleep with who I think is a friend but my mind works much more emotionally. So one disagreement or if they reject me I text like crazy.

Someone's phone died and I sent 30 texts and called about 18 times. What the texts say can totally vary depending what I'm trying to say and what point I'm trying to make or how desperate I am.

I was told I was harassing and psychotic.

I'm glad you all can relate. It's like we just want to be heard and that person to be there.

For me it's hard to relate because I constantly check my phone. People ask what I would think if they sent me that many messages and called. I think since I've done it I am probably thinking they really need to talk. I guess for me I usually don't go more than a few hours without replying to someone though.

This is such a perfectly timed topic for me!

I have been called a harasser many, many times...my wife actually calls it "hound-dogging" her. I check my phone, email or facebook every five damn minutes...all day, everyday! I HATE facebook, because when I do post on there, which isn't very often, I have to look and see who "likes" it or replies to it...I get really pissed when nobody does, especially people I consider "close" to me. I have been called "persistant" by many people, in some cases it works out well...for jobs and actually making friendships that otherwise might have just slipped away. I have been told by a few of my male friends that I text them more than their wives do...kinda funny, and sad, at the same time.

For me it is simple...I think nobody really cares about me, or truly like me and I just feel so ignored, unimportant and unloved when 5 min go by and I hear nothing back from people. When don't get replies, I can just tell my self that I was right all along...that that person never really liked/cared about me...been told by my therapist that it is kind of a "self sabotaging" behavior...push them away before they can push me away.

It really has to be hell to be the other person, the "normal" one!!

...and yes...I too write paragraphs, even when I only get 1 or 2 word replies...I noticed this a while back...but I just can't HELP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! The 1 or 2 word replies I get...piss me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really bad because even when someone answers me, tells me they are busy and to stop sending text messages, that just puts me more over the edge. I think "you don't wanna talk to me" or "who cares if I send messages just read it later". Then they get more mad at me. I have also been told I don't care about anyone but myself and that I am selfish.


bpd_sucks_bad -- totally do the same as you! I get upset when no one comments or likes on FB, write complete paragraphs and emails in texts and someone replies "ok" it drives me nuts.

Hevski wrote:I'd like to ask, a little OT, do any of you write big replies to people, like on Facebook, or even by text, whilst someone may only write a sentence, do you respond with whole paragraphs, I do and I notice this about me, but I can't stop.. It's a kind of self-centred thing, I think.. But not just that, it's like I always have to thoroughly explain what I think..

Oh my god. I do this so much, and I don't even mean to do it. Especially if I do something to upset another person, it's like I have to explain EVERY LITTLE ######6 DETAIL. To add a question onto a question, do you guys tend to say something, but when you're confronted do you realize that what you said came out completely wrong and you end up sounding like a liar? I know I have this problem (especially when I'm depressed and/or scared).

I do the same thing. I can't give one simple answer. I wish I could leave it at that. I hate fb. One of my ex friend is on there and I can't face it. It's too painful. Plus, I'm apt to post scary and negative stuff. I had co workers on there and of course they reported it to HR. Has anyone else quit fb because of painful memories and the urge to post negative thoughts and feelings?