Invalidating environment-anyone's not so obvious?

Ok so one of the main precipitating factors towards this diagnosis is having an invalidating environment. I know a lot of people experience some really traumatic childhood experiences. It makes me wonder how I can have this. I mean I have a very good relationship with my parents. There is something that I found to be traumatic for me but on paper it could sound positive though. I moved to another country at a young age and i didn't want to do it and kept being told I would love it even tho I felt I had no control and begged for it not to happen. Compared to a lot of people tho I can't say this was traumatic. I was never abused so could something like this have contributed? X

A traumatic event is really dependent on the person who feels they suffered trauma rather than someone else's opinion of whether it was traumatic or not.

In regards to abuse/invalidation, there's research that strongly suggests about 30% of people are genetically predisposed to having emotional regulation problems due to the amygdala being overactive and some under activity in the pre-frontal cortex (which would otherwise help 'hit the brakes' even when fight-or-flight is triggered). That same research concluded that a major factor in whether someone in that 30% developed BPD or not has much to do with abuse and/or invalidating environments which was attributed to limiting (rather than supporting) a persons emotional development in such a way that they would explore and learn different coping mechanisms; meaning they may still suffer from strong emotional responses but they are better skilled to cope in a way that doesn't spill into other areas. However, while rare, there were cases where BPD was dx'd in people who did not experience (or could not recall) any traumatic or invalidating stimuli.

Incidentally, I think a move to a new country could be traumatic depending on age, cultural differences and what kind of bond you had with anyone left behind. But perhaps you are one of the rare cases?

Theyre right..My therapist told me the same thing


While BPD is an environmental issue, some people are predisposed to have overly emotional components to their personality..so if you have the genetic component...anything could have set it off even moving to a different area.


I have personally met people with BPD who had some what healthy parents..

its russian roulette really which sucks

-- Sun Apr 21, 2013 11:53 pm --

and to add to the previous poster..


They are correct..Without even going into the dysfunctionalness of my parents as a child...I was never allowed to develop healthy coping mechanisms..If I cried...It was shut up before I give you something to cry about..That makes all the difference..if youre emotions are validated, you will run into issues

I'm actually part-way into the book 'DBT Made Simple' which breaks an invalidating environment down into areas:

• The Poor Fit (not being understood/different values & beliefs than the family/different goals/trouble making friends)
• The Chaotic Home (Parents distracted by their own mental health, financial, addiction issues)
• The Abusive Home (Self-explanitory)
• Other Invalidating Environments

Jaded7600isme wrote:I moved to another country at a young age and i didn't want to do it and kept being told I would love it even tho I felt I had no control and begged for it not to happen.

It sounds like you had a lot of emotion behind not wanting to move or at least being very apprehensive about it. Saying "You'll love it" instead of "I can understand how moving could be very scary for you." would definitely be "Other Invalidating Environments" - much like someone saying "you should be able to do better" when you really are doing the best you can.

Maybe with some reflection you'll recall other moments that don't stick out as "traumatic" but were technically invalidating your emotions? This book even makes mention that a parent telling their (fearful) child "there's nothing to be afraid of" when they won't fall asleep in a dark room can actually cause issues later if that child is genetically predisposed.

Jaded, although you're right in that an invalidating environment is one of the biggest predisposing factors, it's not always the key. Following what Empathy said, I'm one of those 30% that didn't have any real trauma or horrific invalidation to speak of. Although I'm sure it had its bumps, overall, I think my childhood was pretty Norman Rockwell. No abuse of any kind, no alcohol or drug problems in the family, no job losses, no divorces or separations, no moving around, parents left work early to come to school plays, took me to little league games, the whole nine yards. On paper, I should be textbook normal!

But, obviously, I'm not.

At first, I wondered the same thing. How the hell did I get this? I was never raped. I was never beaten (I was spanked once or twice, but I knew even then that I deserved it, based on what I'd done, and it was never severe). I was never even told that I was no good. The only one who ever told me that was me. I went through the whole list of possibilities, and I kept coming up empty. I hadn't read any books on genetic disposition, but I basically came to the same conclusion that Empathy's book did; it's just the way I am. Somehow, I'm genetically predisposed to having BPD.

Who knows? By some cruel twist of fate, you may be the same way. I hope not, though. At least, if there's a root cause, then hopefully, you can eventually learn to minimize its control over you.

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Thanku so much for the responses. Appreciate it so much hearing other people's experiences. Im not quite up on doing the multiple quotes thing yet lol so i wont quote what everyones said but its really helped. My experiences of other people with bpd has always been quite traumatic pasts and its always sort of made me feel I don't 'deserve' to feel the pain of it if that makes sense. I've had ex's saying 'u shouldn't feel like this, nothing bad has ever happened to you' which kind of makes me feel weak for having this.
I suppose I know that did have an effect. I moved to a different country so was almost like a bereavement I suppose, losing my home, extended family and friends (and my dog which at the time was a huge thing for me coz I was 9). I know I hated giving all my things away and for years later turned into a hoarder, wouldn't get rid of anything!
When I was in my teens and depressed (didn't realise it at the time but when I got older and e
Ventually got help that i realised what it was) my mum used to say 'it's just your age' or 'its ur hormones' which was fair enuff and I used to hide a lot to protect them but I suppose that was invalidating. Hate saying that tho because its almost like I'm 'blaming' them and my parents are the most loving wonderful people. That's why I'm extra careful with my daughter tho to always try and validate all her feelings and experiences.
I definitely think I'm genetically predisposed tho and its sort of validating to know that other people feel this way too. Sort of felt a fake for a long time because I haven't had this awful childhood (which btw I am very grateful for).
Xx

Btw don't know what other people's experiences have been but I never even really discussed all this stuff with my psychiatrist because he didn't even tell me I had this diagnosis. I only found out when I opened a letter he gave me for my gp (yea I know I shouldn't have) and then happened to notice in my notes. When I mentioned to one of the team I only saw once that I noticed the diagnosis in my notes which she had in front of her she said 'oh don't worry about that, it's just a way of explaining what symptoms ur having' so I didn't really say any more. Didn't get on with the doctors anyway, always felt like a number rather than a person and nagged until I got discharged x

From what I'm seeing, you do recall some places where what you felt, which was an especially strong emotion, was minimized, dismissed and invalidated.

Who knows? Perhaps that one life-changing event had such a significant impact on you that many other (smaller) things are subconsciously associated with it - as in negative emotion felt, minimized by others around you thus reinforcing that you shouldn't feel something you do feel. The hoarding seems to have been a way to cope; to prevent loss/abandonment.

I think it's completely understandable that feeling forced to give up a pet you dearly love, at just 9-year-old, would be a traumatic event. Many adults would have a difficult time in a similar situation. How could anyone expect a 9-year-old to know how to cope without support? ...and to do that while moving, accepting a new environment/culture, etc.

It's really wonderful to hear that you're very validating with your daughter. That goes a long, long way in helping her emotionally develop even if the dysregulation were hereditary.

In the end, while there may be some comfort in knowing how or why it happened to you, the key piece is remembering that it can get better and there are methods that successfully help a lot of people gain control over what they once feared controlled them.