Why is he doing this?

I broke up with my what I suspect BPD bf.The reason we broke up wasn't so much that he displayed signs of bpd but that he was extremely violent,aggressive and physically,verbally and emotionally abusive.

My point is that he would beg me not to leave him threatening suicide,that He couldn't live without me etc.Then when I would stay he would accuse me of the most ridiculous things and go back to being controlling and abusive...

I left him and then he had a very bad car accident and I was pulled back in for a month only for it to fall apart again.

In the meanwhile he has now taken up with a 16 year old (he's 28 going on 29) and I've recently found out that he was sleeping with another girl while we were on and off whereas if I even dared look at a guy he would go mental.

I just don't understand it.I invested so much trying to understand and help and be there for him and all I got was this.

I had to move my horse from his family's stables as it was too much for me to watch him messing aroud with his 16 year old gf right in front of my eyes.I feel like I've lost so much while he acts oblivious to all the pain he has caused.

How can someone who only a month ago claimed so much act like this?

he definitely has some anger/control issues.
as for that 16 year old girlfriend, that's no good.
think about it.. he's abusive in every way, controlling, and manipulative.
that cannot be good in this statutory situation.
i would alert authorities for her sake.
she probably doesn't know what she's getting herself into, other than that he's an "older man"

as for the rest of it, it seems to me that that's just how he is. if not BPD, he probably has some other personality disorder. he might be too much of a loose cannon for you to try and get closure in person, but maybe you could try asking him over the phone why he did all this? maybe that would provide you with some comfort. i'm sorry you were put in this situation, and best of luck to you

No point, I tried.

All I get is a lot of verbal insults and blame.Apparetnly his actions are all my fault.My fault I left him in the first place,my fault because I apparently cheated,my fault because I wasn't there for him,my fault because I wanted to go out with my friends,my fault because I wanted to go salsa dancing and the list goes on and on..

He's last words to me were 'You shuld blame yourself we fell apart because of all the things you did and when your feeling lonely and sad you should remember it's all your fault..'

kalley1618 wrote:as for that 16 year old girlfriend, that's no good.
think about it.. he's abusive in every way, controlling, and manipulative.
that cannot be good in this statutory situation.
i would alert authorities for her sake.
she probably doesn't know what she's getting herself into, other than that he's an "older man"

I agree with this 100%.

No matter what he has, there is no excuse to treat anyone like that EVER. I'm sorry you had to suffer through that, but at least it's over now and you can finally move on and start recovering. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything is starting to look up.

Reading that pissed me the ###$ off. I'd love to uppercut him in his face right now. Don't listen to that crap, and at this point, I would forget about closure with him. Just drop him. I understand it would be nice to have, but he's going to keep trying to hurt you. Put yourself first now. Just leave him alone, for your own sake.

It plays in my head...How could the person who claimed so strongly they cared for me and as he said 'would give his life form me' be so damn cruel and not even realise and feel remorse?

I feel like i was fooled and taken advantage of and on top of that I was made to feel like it was all my fault!!!

Who does that?Who behaves in such downright cruel ways?

People who are manipulative or just don't care about what they are doing to others. Some people just don't care. Of course where there are those who act cruelly, there are those who are nice. He did what he wanted...and now you've got to keep yourself safe. Try to not blame yourself, no matter what he says.

he sounds EXACTLY like my abusive ex. I definitely recommend removing him completely from your life. he's bringing you nothing positive. that's not love. I don't think people like that are even capable of feeling love.

Fr3ckles wrote:It plays in my head...How could the person who claimed so strongly they cared for me and as he said 'would give his life form me' be so damn cruel and not even realise and feel remorse?

I feel like i was fooled and taken advantage of and on top of that I was made to feel like it was all my fault!!!

Who does that?Who behaves in such downright cruel ways?

Individuals who suffer from distortions in reality perception...
Individuals who exhibit immature and maladaptive ways of regulating emotions...
Individuals who have difficulties of forming complex, integrated representations of themselves and others (this greatly contributes to interpersonal instability)...
Individuals with multiple deficits in their psychological practices and adaptive functioning,
individuals with poor impulse control, low anxiety tolerance, and disordered thinking...

In other words... sick people do that... not all sick people, but some

I feel like I've lost alot because I had to move my horse due to his behaviour hurting me so much.I've been at his family's stables since I was 12.I'm now 25.That place was part of my childhood and I'm angry at him for not caring about how it must have felt for me to leave.

On the day I left,I literally fell apart where as he went to get mcdonalds with the 16 year old.

There just such a big contrast to who I thought he was and who he is being now that I feel like the ground's been literally taken from under me.

A complete lack of empathy and caring.I never thought he could ever behave like that.I didn't leave him because I didn't care.I left him because he was hurting him and I wanted him to realise and change.He didn't instead he turned around and blamed me.

I just don't understand how a human is able to switch off their emotions like that.No compassion,no caring nothing and then just carry on oblivious to all the hurt and pain they've left behind them

Thank you,your repsonse is well appreciated.

I thik he has Bpd because he has

a)major abandonment issues - can't seem to be able to be alone for more than a minute without becoming paranoid and suspicious.I work he doesnt.He hated me leaving him to go to work and would be constantly on the phone,text,email.The fact that I left him was a major sore point and he would repeatively accuse me of leaving him when he needed me the most

b)has no friends - suspects they are all out to get him,seems only to be able to socialise with young girls.

c)Incredibly paranoid would interpret a simple sniff,touching of the nose as someone coomenting on the fact that he smells. This may sound insane but he thinks he smells like ass ....doesn't like public places.Won't go out and socialise.He goes between he's home and the stables.Only places he feel comfortable in.

d)paints people in black and white and then flips between them

e)kept saying he didnt know what his purpose was in life,that he had no meaning,he felt empty

f)extreme rages of anger that would become violent (threw my phone over a hill,smashed my windscreen,smashed windows,turned tables over,name calling and even slapping and hitting)

g)threatened to committ suicide many times -although that was more to get me to go back

Then again he also displays signs of narcissistic personality disorder where he thinks 'the world would be a much better place if everyone was like him' and thinks he is god's gift to women (I've heard he sexually assaulted another girl at the stables when she refused he said "I know you want it")

I know he's coming off as a really nasty and disturbed person and logically I can understand it.THing is this isn't who he presented himself as at the beginning.At the beginning he was kind,polite gentle and also played the 'victim' role a bit.I feel ashamed for ever loving him but my emotions sometimes twist themselves into so many knots that I feel like I'm fighting myself.I think the main reason is I'm looking for explanations where there aren't any.