Are all of your breakups

As a result of your BPD?

Lbr, we're all bright and beautiful. Why else would they break up with us???

Nope. Not at all. Almost everyone I have ever dated was abusive or unstable and so the relationship was bad because of them. The only time I had a "normal" boyfriend, I broke up with him because I was manic and he was immature and boring.

Thats not really so cut and dried..

Not all my breakups were due to BPD as in the way I acted, my symptoms that got in the way..

Back in the day when I was younger..I would say defiently...I was a basketcase..I claim totally responsibility

and while I still exhibit symptoms that make the relationship less than healthy...My breakups are due to BPD in the sense that BPD's will pick abusive relationships everytime because thats all we know..We are constantly setting ourselves up for failure and think we got it "right" this time..

Take who I shall call "douchebag" for example..I was really good and did everything that I learned in DBT but he had unhealthy habits and loved to pick the proverbial "scab" until I exploded.. which makes me look like a fruit loop to everyone involved with him and he comes out virtually unscathed.. I did not realize until I went down to Tenn and evaluated the relationship in "wise Mind" that he was a control freak and very abusive..

For me..knowing..I pick turmoil everytime because it seems like "home" to me...I am making myself pick people and situations that make me "uncomfortable" because my "normal" is insane

I hope Im making sense

No. my relationships end for all sorts of reasons.

and for the record, msangeedepp, no, borderlines don't pick abusive partners EVERY TIME. I've had a total of ONE abusive partner in my life. and I've had my fair share of boyfriends.

Depends... do early teen relationships count? Otherwise, the only true relationship i had ended by my fault. So id say yeah...

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:and for the record, msangeedepp, no, borderlines don't pick abusive partners EVERY TIME.

No, not EVERY TIME... for sure. My ExSO picked me...

Or... maybe... I was the one who did the... picking...


It seems
my ExSO's breakups
(all 4-5 in last 10 years (sequential monogamous pairings ))
are results of ExSO's emotions/thoughts/feelings/actions patterns...
common in BPD sufferers... more than anything else.

Fear of abandonment is what it is - FEAR - very powerful and...
in many cases... very dysfunctional motivator...

My therapist always describes fear as "False Evidence Appearing Real" when it comes to doing things I'm uncomfortable with but are otherwise healthy behaviors. Obviously there are things to truly fear but in the modern age most of the time fear is a very overused emotion since there is so little danger in the world today compared to prehistoric human times when that much fear was actually useful to our survival. Borderline or not (as I am a non) everyone tends to fear too much these days since it is one of the most basic emotions any living thing can have and is therefore the most instinctual emotion.

Well maybe I misworded it but even though someone may not be abusive..as if beats the $#%^ out of you, or treats you like a piece of $#%^...we will pick dysfunction everytime. Just think of it...BPD more than likely becomes engrained in us as a response to a choatic life..I mean I know I have BPD from the lack of being validated as a child. To me..its normal..its home...So are we going to pick something thats validating? The majority of the time no because if we are experienced in working on ourselves and finding self validation, we wont even know where to find that. And you know Im correct on that..

I totally misworded that...I apologize..its more the fact that sometimes our own distinct behaviors cause a break up, but the majority of the time..its our failure to find something validating that will cause the break up..You dont have to have an abusive boyfriend to have an invalidating relationship..I just seem to know how to pick abusive ones lols

-- Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:04 pm --

and to add..to those who had decent boyfriends..I know about too..They seem to be innocent bystanders because as a BPD..I am so used to living a soap opera life, that this guys seem extremely boring..I am totally convinced my sister who is way more psychotic than me..Has massive BPD. She is the first one to Boyfriend shop at the slightest hint of menotony or boredom

hmm, well it could be for me, most of the girls i dated in the past would break up with me because i was too "clingy and emotional" for a butch, and i just kept thinking, well damn im still a girl. little did i know that its because i'm borderline.

I still tend to believe its what level of recovery youre in whether a break up is because of BPD symptoms or because of what our lifestyles we were brought up in to think its ok