Any BPD's have antisocial traits? TW

First off, I'm definitely not a sociopath/psychopath.
Secondly, I have not been diagnosed with anything yet, even though I'm almost certain I have BPD (collective sigh for the self-diagnosed wannabes).

But I do have urges to hurt pets (cats and dogs, even though I was an avid animal lover, and was obsessed with cats and all things cat-like). I don't mean hurt as in tie to a table and saw off a body part, though, I couldn't imagine doing that. But, like, I'm intentionally rough when I handle them, but I don't hit them hard (I don't punch them or anything, but I do hit them at times). But I think it's more of an annoyance with a mild fear. Then I go back to being all sweet and loving to them. (They aren't my dogs by the way, they are my roommate's).
I also do feed the less dominant one grapes and nutella, but I felt so guilty at first.
It's kind of a contradiction because I'm a vegan for ethical as well as health reasons, but I guess these are pets and aren't in the same lines as factory farmed animals. They are also so annoyingly pathetic, the way that they are so obsessed with food and always begging for it.

I know you all likely think I'm worse than Hitler right now, but I was wondering since mental disorders do cross over...

-- Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:04 am --

Oh, and I used to turn to jelly when looking at animals (loved em sooo much).
But I'm going through a devaluation stage with my housemate (they are his, after all). And maybe I'm doing a lot of these to spite him

Nutella has chocolate in it. That is VERY bad for dogs and could kill them. Please seek help from a professional.

Actually feeling satisfaction hurting others isn't a trait of ASPD. It's a trait for Sadism. A person with BPD can also have sadistic traits. I imagine it often is a way to try fill the void. One difference is that a person with ASPD never ever feels bad for what they do, while a person with BPD often do.

Something about your writing speaks of a struggle within you that doesn't resonate for me. I'm glad it concerns you. I also suggest that you search out a therapist to explore these things with.

Easy to just throw me the 'seek the help of a professional' line.
I can't see one because of costs, time, travel, and the fact that it's hard enough for me to get out of bed to eat some days. (Not all, I go through stages, and I am currently in that stage).

My response isn't because it's easy, I post a lot on these boards and seldom say that.

It's because what you're describing feels like the leading edge of a strong force within you that I cannot relate to, or the parts of it I can relate to concern me.

I'm sorry counseling isn't a ready option. I understand that well. Most of my life I've had to struggle by myself for the same reasons, I'm sorry you don't have good insurance.

Tell me more about these urges if you will. Do you feel angry? Do you know about what, or whom?

Most of the time I feel angry, others I just see them and get the urge to hurt them (but only the weaker one). I know they're just dogs and they can't help it if they have a #######5 owner. But I also rough handle the pets of friends as well and just get satisfaction out of hurting them, even though I know if I end up killing/injuring one of them, I'd feel so bad and wonder what I was thinking.

I'm out of my league here. I hope you'll take a step back and make a choice to break that association. I assume that what you're feeling isn't related to those animals, and you choose to step into a neutral space and face the anger and it's source, and if you feel the need to express it do so to an inanimate object like a pillow, or throw rocks at a big metal drum that makes a lot of noise.

Our desire to express our pain and anger is understandable and needs to be validated, making a choice to bring pain to another being is immature and dark and narcissistic.

Bring your pain here. Try free associating and just write stream of consciousness about what's up inside.

What do you mean break that association? I don't try to hurt them ALL the time, and I live with them. Pillows and drums don't do anything. Come to think of it, I used to cut and self-harm, so maybe I'm projecting it onto the animals.

I'm again confused with what you mean by 'immature and narcissistic'. Please explain.

I think your suggestion of writing it down will help, it's just so much darn work

I can relate to both self harm and harm to others. In your last post I think you're onto something. You probably project your feelings on those pets. I think you need some kind of outlet and the optimal would be an outlet that doesn't hurt anyone. Martial-art for example lets you kick and punch people (or a mitss really) in a controlled environment where no one gets hurt. I see a problem though if you don't have the energy. another example could be, Go to the grocery store and ask if they got some free boxes. Paint smiley faces on them and stab the faces with a knife. No one gets hurt.

And I need to say also that I don't think you're bad at all. I don't believe in good or bad people. You are just as good as the next.