That's your BPD...

lined_in_silver wrote:Also, does anyone else feel like or have wondered if they have multiple personalities?

Yes. I felt there was another personality there with its own wants that were not mine, and I had no control over that personality at all. It was very distinct from what I thought was "me." Now I call it the dog.

The above is about these internal divisions I feel within myself. As for changing my external behavior from time to time, yeah I do that a lot. Especially when I was younger and less angry. There's the BPD "chameleon" effect where you take on the attributes of the crowd you are with. This would drive me up the wall because sometimes I couldn't get it to stop for a couple days later and sometimes I'd pick up something really annoying.

Most of the time I am working to purposely give a specific personality at all times. When I let loose, anything goes. It's only bothered me when I do something embarrassing. Or when someone goes, "Aetienne, why the heck are you talking with that accent," or other thing they point out is exceptionally out of character.

I'm a non and have never had BPD but I use to have paranoid personality disorder. Idk if my insight will help but it might so I'll just throw it out there. Even though I'm recovered I still get my PPD thoughts sometimes. Similar to any personality disorder who's recovering or recovered I assume. Now that I'm self-aware whenever I get PPD thoughts I hear them but then tell myself "that's just the paranoid talking" and I hear it but choose not to act on it at that point. You know yourself best and depending how self-aware you are you probably can recognize your own borderline thoughts when you hear them. Hear them don't suppress them but then tell yourself "it's okay thats just the borderline talking" and don't act on the thoughts. I forget where its from but there's that quote that goes something like " There's a small space between stimuli and response and it's called freedom". I've accepted I'll most likely walk with my PPD all my life but I choose not to respond to it anymore. If you can look at BPD thoughts the same way it may help you a lot. Also on the dissociative episode symptoms from what I've read (don't know for sure) is pretty much like multiple personality disorder episodes for BPD. But it's not full blown multiple personality in which you're in a dissociative state almost 100% of the time. I hope all this helps!

littlearcher wrote: but i've had many people tell me that they don't know what to believe because i would express a lot of gratitude and then get upset the next moment and question their care.

This is so me!

Multiple personalities? No. If so, then they're really good at hiding. No one else seems to notice them in me either.

I can deal with the thoughts but not the wave of irrational emotions. how with this method?

When I get irrational emotions from my PPD I usually acknowledge them to myself by thinking "okay I am scared" or "I am angry" followed by "but its just the paranoid and the feelings will pass". Like for me if a stranger looks at me funny or they look like someone who's "up to no good" or just all around "dangerous" I get huge irrational emotions of "okay if this guy comes at me i'll grab this and defend myself by doing this and this to him" but its just a total stranger and I walk pass them and nothing happens then the feelings leave. I don't get it that bad anymore now that I've recovered from it but sometimes a tint of fear or anger appears from some irrational situation like I described and I am able to nip it in the bud before I allow myself to go delusional in my head. Now from what I understand and do believe pwBPD feel emotions way more intensely than most people so that alone may not work. I've read a little on what helps with this for pwBPD as well as anyone. Sometimes if you get as i've heard some pwBPD describe "enveloped" or overwhelmed by emotions you can try stopping whatever is causing these emotions whether its thinking about something that agitates you or getting away from a situation thats triggering it before you do something you'll regret, and taking a brief moment away from it to take deep breaths and acknowledge the emotions you're feeling. If you're immensely angry for an example try closing your eyes and softly saying to yourself on a big inhale "I'm angry" and on the exhale "it will pass" or on the exhale "everything will be okay" or whatever words end up working the best to acknowledge the emotions and releasing them in a constructive way and keep inhaling exhaling like that until you feel better. Then you can return to whatever the situation is that triggered those feelings with a clearer mind on what to do. A lot of buddhist meditation methods help pwBPD a lot as well as anyone struggling with emotions. I'm not saying "become a buddhist" but don't think about the religion if you don't want to and try out adopting some of the meditation techniques of buddhism alone if you're willing to. The meditation in buddhism is all about acknowledging your emotions and over time realizing where they are really coming from. I know thats hard for pwBPD as well as I think anyone on some level. But over time if you're willing to try those things it will probably help. Realize at first that you still may have trouble with emotions or make mistakes from them but if you keep with exercises like the stuff I describe just tell yourself "i'm doing my best and I am getting better it will just take time" and try not to get too down on yourself and use a mistake as another opportunity to do the stuff I just described. There's other techniques out there but from what I understand some of what I described worked really well for a lot of recovered pwBPD. All of it is hard but it's worth it in the end. I hope this helps!