When we (the BPD) aren't the bad guy...

I very recently was diagnosed with BPD.

I am very mild but my symptoms are very severe. I am not manipulative, but I swing between idealization and hatred, I self mutilate, I have an addictive personality and abuse gambling, alcohol and drugs, I have inappropriate bouts of anger that I always control and direct inwards... to those who don't know I am very mentally imbalanced they think I'm the nicest person in the world....

My gripe is that I'm also a lesbian (thanks for nothing, sorting hat). And I had a male best friend who was very supportive of me always including when I shared my diagnosis, but he was also in love with me and I knew that. But it had been going on four years and I thought he had just dealt with it. But he seemed more in love and wanted to save me. He got so pushy it made me uncomfortable and I said he was suffocating me and asked him to back off... he has since gone nuts and is using my illness to mess with me.

He is going after my friends and telling them to not message me back. Going on facebook and checking in with people he has never spoken to before so I feel left out and then instagraming photos of him and my ex girl friends.

Everytime he does it I have a panic attack and he knows exactly what he is doing..... what I'm saying, i guess, is that BPD get a lot of slack for messing with people..... but those who know our disorder know exactly how to mess with and ruin us... am I the only person unfortunate enough to have someone more messed up than me in my life who is actively trying to ( I can only assume) drive me to kill myself for kicks?

It does suck as he once found me after I passed out after cutting and getting high... he knows I am unstable and messing with me (even to my unstable brain) seems cruel.

I'm sorry your ex took it out on you for years. I can attest to the fact I wouldn't put up with it for that long... i feel we (as BPDs) have to stop feeling guilty... we are portrayed in the #######5 movies like 'Fatal Attraction' and "the Roommate' and we let these people get away with it as we feel guilty. We are not all severe cases.... my illness never affected him. It very much affects my parents and for that I feel horrible. My ex girlfriends... yes.... I wish it hadn't happened like that. But as a friend on the relative outside... my illness never affected him bar for my euphoric highs where I would pay for everything for him.

I get what you are saying about a 'reaction' and i'm trying so hard to not react. But he just moved in with an ex and is turning her against me and i'm getting messages from her asking why I never told her I had BPD..... like i feel very exposed and humiliated.

It's just so weird as he knows I have attempted suicicde and am covered in self mutilation marks... I was a 'cool' kid and now he is going to friends and telling them I'm ###$ up. They reach out to be worried but it makes me wanna do something stupid.... i assume that is his plan? It's just a paradox I guess.

We (as BPD) have so much said about us.... but in return.... our weaknesses are laid out for others to exploit if they choose...

I respect that you never spoke 'ill' of him and that speaks volumes of your character, which reinforces my point. We (the BPD) are, more often than not, very (even overly) caring people.

You ex's actions (and my ex-friend's) are very vindictive and we as BPD are sitting back and accepting them... if I wasn't diagnosed with this disorder and he was doing what he was (and your ex, what he did) I feel we wouldn't stand for it. But as soon as you are diagnosed you adhere to that and feel a certain shame that allows people to treat us badly as we have been given a label that (by any article you look up) suggests we treat others badly.

Thank you for your words. I literally was distracting myself from a razor and you helped me out immensely. I guess I have BPD guilt and catholic gay guilt and he is playing on it.

But my parents are so ok with both me being gay and when I told them of my diagnosis they got it so well. They are so perfect and good about everything. He is trying to mess with me, but that speaks volumes about who he is.

My parents love me and are getting me help. My friends love me and get why I'm a bit weird. One person is using my diagnosis against me to incite me to self harm and that is a thankful red flag that I need him gone from my life.