bpd and how to stop pulling back in

i need help. my current relationship just ended quite sanely and calmly, albeit a few days after i raged and we both became physically violent to the extreme. but a few days later i ask him if we could possibly have a life together and he says 'i don't think so, you hate me when i'm there until i'm going to leave and then you love me again and pull me back. i don't think you can stop it.'

and of course he is right, and i don't want to put him through that again, but i am desperate to pull him back, my email is written, it's as honest as i know how to be, and it will bring him back. and because i know how flawed i am and undeserving it will make me respect him less. and it will be great but in a few days i'll rage, because he isn't perfect, and he'll ###$ up and i'll feel abandoned by the world and unleash.

question: how do i stop myself from hoovering him back? i feel powerless not to. i feel desperate.

I find that anti anxiety Meds work wonders. Also I find that when I submerse myself in hobbies I find the sense of self I'm looking for and it keeps me busy. And let me tell you. I have MANY hobbies:
Antique bottle digging
Metal detecting
Coin collecting
Stamp collecting
Painting
Sculpting
Drawing
Poetry
Singing
Producing electronic music
Casting resin jewelry
Studying psychology

I feel like I'm leaving some out. But you get the point. It helps my husband not feel so drained when I disengage him and immerse myself with a hobby.

found this little gem on the web...what do you think?

Why do we get caught up in cycles?

These are the questions we need to answer if we ever want the break-up/make-up cycle to end. Are we returning to this person because we are in love with them and the relationship has a chance, or are we returning to this person because they feel safe?

* Are we afraid to be alone?

* Do we have our own abandonment issues?

* Are we fearful that we cannot find someone as good as them again?

* Are we fearful of the next step (dating, financial issues, etc.)

To stop with the back and forth just stop! It isn't any simpler! If there is no reason other than "love" to keep the cycle going then that isn't enough. Maybe you two are deeply in love, maybe you aren't,
Maybe it's just one sided. I'm not there and I'm not going to judge just know this my ex and I have a child together, I'm BPD and he isn't, we've gotten physical and yesterday I filed a police report. What I'm saying is just let him go and learn to be alone. Wait until you get better to try again. You need to figure things out for yourself. You need to be healthy to have a healthy relationship. Just cut him off completely and don't look back. Delete any and everything that you have of his and I mean EVERYTHING! If my ex and I didn't have a child then there would be no other reason other than love to keep me going to him. He's keeping our child away from me on purpose. Love doesn't mean ish. It gets you hurt and it gets you screwed. True love on the other hand is rare very very rare. Just be alone and if you can't be then I'm here for you and I don't say that to just anyone. It takes two people and I'm sure
He's not saint either. I just don't want to see someone getting as hurt as I am.

666ismynumber wrote:Just be alone and if you can't be then I'm here for you and I don't say that to just anyone.

###$, that almost made me cry. thank you.

i think being alone is part of my bpd. i have had very few relationships and am usually alone. i travel solo and have very few friends that i stay in contact with. i just can't understand why people would like me and feel like a burden. my best friend died a few months ago and i really don't have $#%^ to talk to. thank you.