Emotions and rational thoughts like two different selves

Do others find they need to transition between thinking routines like work and emotional perspectives?

I was in a car with a woman that wants an emotional connection with her that I haven't felt a connection with. She confronted me for not finding her attractive, and I told her I would like to give her a thoughtful reply and would like to take some time to think about it. It made her very angry, making all the less likely I could give her a respectful reply. I said so in an angry tone.

I realized that as I've done deep work coming to terms with the kind of wasteland that emotions have represented, I've had to isolate routine stuff with other people to keep emotions out, otherwise my honest emotions are much too intense to be appropriate, both for myself and others.

So I sit and kind of take off armor in a safe or private space and touch the emotions, then put the armor back on and try to express myself. Even with my therapist I need to go between these states with great care.

Does integration happen? I know years past I didn't need to do this, but it's because I had so many layers of defense the true emotions weren't available, so I'd just insert sarcasm or a joke or some diversion tactic. It seems that to be honest is to reveal an intensely emotional self that's very wounded and afraid and easy to hurt. So even with the people I'm closest to with only one exception I can only allow a true emotional self to exist while alone.

Hmm, I've done that to not have to show how I'm feeling, although it only has to come out when I'm triggered (typically severe mania/depression/anger). Otherwise, I can and will say my mind, although I usually dumb it down slightly or it might come off in a way I don't mean.
However, my bigger problem is that I can be emotionally feeling something, but logically know that what I am feeling emotionally is not true. But I still act on the emotion, despite the fact that I can see the logic clearly.
So for example, if I'm talking to person A and they suddenly leave to the grocery store to get food, the logic in my head will be saying "They need to get food, no problem they'll be back". However, the emotions are saying "They don't want you, you messed up, blah blah blah". And instead of being able to listen to, or believe, the logic, my emotions win and I listen to them.

I'm sorry I don't know about if it gets better--I'm at a much less developed stage of rearranging my disorders. I just wanted to say, wow, the process you describe sounds amazing and I admire your way of dealing with emotions/situations. You said something that summed up emotions perfectly:

centerpath wrote:otherwise my honest emotions are much too intense to be appropriate, both for myself and others.

Thank you. It gives me hope that maybe things can be more sorted out like that.

i'm so flexable i don't have a self
isn't that a borderline thing?

don't thing in therms of good or bad
it just is
it's like a tool you can do good things with it or bad
but it's still just a tool it doesn't change