Back and diagnosed...

So, I recently started attending counseling for sexual abuse, luckily the counselor I got doesn't mind talking about other things. Well after 2.5 months of one session a week I started having suicidal thoughts and urges to self harm again, so I was sent to the local mental health clinic. All of this happened last Wednesday and since then I have seen my therapist at the clinic three times. Today was the third day and time for them to diagnose me, so far without any further digging I have been diagnosed with BPD and anorexia. I met every criteria listed for BPD, the lady said she had never had someone meet all of the criteria, this made me feel worse. On top of all this, she said to think of my behavior and such as bad habits I needed to break. Of course the first thing my mind jumps to is that this means I'm a horrid person. I've cried all three times I've been in her office, something about the way she is gets to me bad. I also don't like her because she wants me to leave my counselor that I'm attached to, because its unethical to be treated by two mental health professionals, even if one is free to sexual abuse victims.

I've been on edge since noon, I could barely get myself to calm down enough to cook dinner. I don't know what to do with myself now. I just want all of this to be over.

I'm sorry about what you've been through. I've been through similar things myself but never really addressed the sexual abuse with any therapist I've seen. I just don't think i'm ready for that yet. I just wanted to let you know you're not a 'horrid person.' When your new therapist told you it's a case of 'breaking bad habits' she just means the way you deal with your emotions (self harm, suicidal thoughts) are things that need to change for your own well being. It's not your fault you do these things and obviously it's a lot easier said than done. Being diagnosed as BPD does not make you a bad person. I also meet all the criteria and i'm sure there are a lot of people on this forum that do to, so you are not alone. But really it doesn't matter how many of them you meet. The fact is you are struggling at the moment and your issues need to be addressed. Please don't put too much emphasis on the label. It's easy to get hung up on that when it's really about learning how to deal with intense and often destructive emotions. Sorry if this hasn't been much help and i'm sure someone else will come along with better advice! I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Please take care of yourself x

Thank you for the kind words, means a lot to me.

I think what is mainly bothering me is being diagnosed with anorexia, its triggered thoughts and obsessions that I had slowly started to lock away. Now they are all coming back full force. I hate it. My mind is racing trying to figure out a way to appear better without actually getting better and fighting those thoughts is hard. I can't stand the thought of eating as much as I'm suppose to a day. I've worked so hard to get to where I don't eat massive amounts of food. I take a couple bites and I'm full. I've been doing all of this since right before I turned 16 (I'll be 23 this year). I feel like being honest with the lady was a bad idea. Only two people know about the diagnoses, the boyfriend and the best friend. They both say they don't see me different, I believe them. I just don't know what to do.

If this new person is making you feel really on edge like this and is not treating you gently, you should NOT have psychotherapy from this person. In fact, you maybe shouldn't see this person anymore at all. Go to the counselor you trust and talk all of this over and figure out where you should go to get the best treatment for you.

Hi NA!!! (waving madly!!) How are you, sweetpea??


I know, not so good. That's okay, let's see how we can help ya out around deez partz.


In my own personal experience, I would find it VERY hard to believe that a counselor/therapist who handles sessions with sexual abuse victims would be naive or uneducated when it comes to co-morbidity (dual diagnoses, more than one like everyone else here), and PD's or ED's. Those are natural, unfortunately, responses to such events.

I'm very sorry that you're suffering, but if this new therapist is already putting you on edge, then I am not sure that I would advocate my attention to someone who seems so unable to understand what my needs are. You have rights, you have options. Don't be afraid to assert yourself, hon.


We're here for you! <3


AMP

Thank you Ali, dealing with this has been hard and seeing that I have people who understand me and support me means a lot to me.

My SA counselor isn't the one who diagnosed me, she is very iffy about even mentioning any disorders because the counseling is only meant to be about the abuse not about anything else, but she still lets me talk about other things because I can't verbally say what happened to me yet. I go to see my SA counselor today at 3 and I wish time would hurry up, I literally count down the days between sessions.

The problem I'm having is with the new therapist I'm seeing, she is...well the best way to put it is she things her way and her way only. She also seems very detached from her patients, like she could really care less why you do what you do. She is also a firm believer that no medication (including anti-depressants) can help people with bpd. She is also a huge anti-marijuana person and thinks I'm some kind of pill addict because I popped positive for benzo and opiates. Benzo I only took one and that's because the stupid b*tch put me into a panic attack after leaving the mental health clinic the first time. And opiates is because I took a pain pill for my back after being off of them for close to 6 months. She also tried to get me to tell who gave me the pills so that she could have them arrested. It was my boyfriend and mom who gave them to me, so yeah not going to tell on them. As far as I'm concerned she can have me arrested and I'll sit in jail til I get released because I will never rat someone out.

I think the problem I'm facing with not going to the clinic is that I have no insurance at all and I'm completely broke. My SA counseling is a free service from the state. The clinic costs, but since they are state run they can't turn you away just because you can't pay for the services. Which so far with three appointments I already owe them $301. Last time I was there (Monday) was a $125 appointment. The other two were $88 a piece. And to see my family doctor is $100 a visit, but you have to pay that up front, so I haven't been able to see her yet. All of this is just so over whelming.

Neveragain1110 wrote:The problem I'm having is with the new therapist I'm seeing, she is...well the best way to put it is she things her way and her way only. She also seems very detached from her patients, like she could really care less why you do what you do. She is also a firm believer that no medication (including anti-depressants) can help people with bpd. She is also a huge anti-marijuana person and thinks I'm some kind of pill addict because I popped positive for benzo and opiates. Benzo I only took one and that's because the stupid b*tch put me into a panic attack after leaving the mental health clinic the first time. And opiates is because I took a pain pill for my back after being off of them for close to 6 months. She also tried to get me to tell who gave me the pills so that she could have them arrested. It was my boyfriend and mom who gave them to me, so yeah not going to tell on them. As far as I'm concerned she can have me arrested and I'll sit in jail til I get released because I will never rat someone out.

(emphasis mine)

Stay away from this woman like she has the plague. Don't be in the same room with her. Try to not even see her.

Psychotherapy would be absolutely utterly impossible because the trust is already shot to hell, so there is no point. You will never be able to open up to her and you will never be able to make any real progress.

Since you have BPD, you're going to keep absorbing every single bit of energy off of her, and that energy is toxic. It's going to keep bringing you down, keeping you off balance making your every day life continue to be a constant struggle. So you're never going to make any real progress AND you're going to be saddled with even more burden. It just is not worth it.

Try to find anyone else, just not her.

^^^ I could NOT agree MORE with THIS statement, right HERE ^^^.


AMP