Dissociation and trauma

My post is about the subject of dissociation generally. I've been probing questions of amnesia and dissociation both of which are pretty strongly present. Amnesia of most of my life and dissociation as a likely response to triggers.

As I've read on the subject on the web, both scientific and lay materials, I've found that reading on the subject leads almost immediately to floods of sadness and crying that shut me down.

I dissociate and trigger deeply in reading about it. Even writing this has the same effect. I'm almost baffled by it, the severity of the reaction to this subject. I can't associate this with any particular trauma or event, it feels like my conscious mind is warning me away from becoming aware.

I find the whole thing bizarre and pretty distressing. Just reading about the topic is emotionally overwhelming, at a time that I feel fine. Some kind of strong but oddly hidden trigger.

Thoughts? Approaches?

When under alot of stress and get anxious I'll end up with dificulty thinking and concentrating and will completely go numb. I dissociate when stressed out. I also won't be able to recall things that happened earlier that day despite otherwise at other times having a good memory.