New to forum (possible triggers?)

Hey guys and gals, I'm a 28 year old male diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed at the age of 24, but I have refused treatment mainly because I just couldn't for the life of me realize that I needed help, or that anything was wrong with me. All this changed last summer. I began to look at myself more and I have come to the conclusion that I am in deep trouble.

I have no real (stable) friends, I've alienated many family members, and I am an insufferable person. Can't live with others, but I can't live by myself either. I feel like a black hole, completely empty and almost like I'm not even here. I am constantly looking for love and relationships in the wrong places. I push away those that care about me, but yet, I complain that nobody cares. I'm so lost and confused.
I drug (intentionally OD), drink heavily and starve myself deliberately.

However, I am beginning to look for treatment. Just wanted to join this community.

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad that you're finally getting some help, that's a great first step on the road to recovery. It'll be difficult but I wish you good luck on your journey. People are really nice around here, so don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it!

Last summer, I was more or less in the same boat. I had broken up with my fiance, and I spiraled into a very deep depression. Went back to school as if nothing happened, went to a psychiatrist because friends of my family got VERY worried and talked some sense into my grandparents into taking me to see a therapist. Talked to them, and they were extremely shocked that I had not been sent to a hospital. They told me that it was to the point of life and death because of how I was feeling. I looked REALLY bad. I am doing a bit better, now.

Getting better is not something that happens over night. It's something that takes time. And at your pace. Don't get discouraged if you see others being able to move mountains while you are trying to pick up a stone. Everybody has their own pace and abilities on doing things. Also remember that it took many years for you to get to this point, so logically, it's going to take some time to get back to a more stable you.

The road to recovery is very long and hard. There is rarely a straight line and it always seems to twist, bend, and even go backwards.

Also, try and see if you can find/make some friends that you know will be helpful for your mental health recovery. Keeping people that will only harm and hinder your recovery is not going to help you right now. I had to do this, and it was VERY hard. Especially because I tend to become easily paranoid and it can be VERY difficult to realize that others do not think exactly like I do, and that bad friends will not care if I leave them.

On your road to recovery, it's about you. You have to make time to care for yourself. You have to make time to actually go out and live. You have to make time and do simple pleasures. And you have to make time to work. Not only on yourself, but also on your life, goals, ext.

I wish you the best of luck.

hi there! just wanted to welcome you to our little nook of the forum. feel free to grab a chair! there's Kleenex on the left and e-cookies in the right looking forward to having you around!!

wineaux

Hello
My name is Pedro, i´m from Portugal and i have BPD.
Finding this forum his such a confort to me, because i really don´t know anyone with bpd and sometimes we all need to find someone like you.
I´m trying to get better, trying to work, to be independent but is very very difficult, as all of you know.
But thank you for being here and to show others that we are not alone.

Regards!