please help :(

Please help me I am SO confused. I know some people have posted things like this on here before but I literally am losing my mind. I was diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago. I have had problems with this kind of stuff for about 5 years now and with five different relationships. My main problem is that I doubt every relationship I am in. Currently my boyfriend is great, but I still doubt everything. How much I like him, if it’s enough, if I just don’t want to be alone, if I’m lying to myself. It’s getting really exhausting. I don’t want to break up with him, I want to work through this, can anyone help and tell me if this is normal for people with BPD?

Once "settled" into a relationship and everything seems to be going good is when I start to question things.

I've only had two relationships that lasted longer than a year.

One that lasted a little less than 3 years.

Most of them fizzle out before we hit the year mark.

I don't really know what to tell you. I've always wanted to get married and live my happily ever after. I'm starting to doubt it will ever happen.

Can I ask a follow up question to the OP and others replying here? I would like to know if you feel like it's your choice when a relationships ends. Do you consider yourselves to be highly committal while your partners never are?

For me, at age 31, I've been in only one relationship that lasted more than a year. I get nothing but love and compliments throughout each relationship, until it ends. I never get to know why other than that her feelings change. Then I never hear back from them. I never want the relationship to end, even when she's abusive (it's dumb of me, I know) but then the woman ends it.

I've recently accepted my first sex w/o strings attached relationship and it feels like nothing but masturbation. I've accepted it because I'm afraid of going through the feelings of loss again. I can't take that anymore. I need to be with someone who will never stop loving me, or to just forget about having a female partner at all. Part of me thinks that an evolutionary explanation would suggest that relationships will last the way I want them to if I get a woman pregnant, but of course there are a lot of problems with making that assumption.

I feel that I'm the opposite, in that I've pretty much only been in long term relationships since I was 20 (I'm now 31). I was with my first husband for seven years, married for a year and a half of that, and with my current husband for four and a half years, married for almost a year now.

However, before I started seeing my first husband, I was all over the place with relationships and I know now that I became way too intense right away and probably scared a lot of people away. I would always sleep with people pretty much immediately and then feel rejected if they didn't want to spend all their time with me.

I don't know if being in those LTRs have helped or hindered me over the years with my BPD.

My husband is a very emotionally stable person and I am very grateful for him. He's been so patient with me and to be honest I have no idea why he stayed with me for the first year we were seeing each other, I was in such a bad place. Just a ridiculous place. But he's still here, and as I am finally becoming more accepting of and learning more about my BPD, he is just as eager to learn and listen to me. So a good relationship is definitely possible. I definitely don't want to make anyone feel bad, I just don't want anyone to lose hope about finding someone.

Yes I feel like this too

Infact I dump my partner everyday. And have done to previous partners everyday....

I guess it's to do with the whole self image thing... Also it could be down to fear of abandonment. You abandon them before they abandon you 0. I know you said you have doubts and don't actually break up with them but having doubts in my personal opinion is your brain saying to your mind. Get out leave your man....

Just relax and tell the bpd to ###$ off
You are with your man for a reason. Let him be your safe place

Steven

Doubts are normal, and I agree with Steviie about it being abandonment related. However, it is possible to have a good relationship (I'm in one now). Everyone here will find someone, that's what I believe.
Just understand that the person you're with is with you for a reason, and even though you may not love yourself (not saying everyone has this, but I know I do), it is possible for someone else to love you despite that.

Doubts, yeah, always. Every day I wonder, is it enough? I feel it is not, and I bug out. Because I know it is enough and better. But evaluating relationships are normal for everyone, just for BPD's it's more extreme, fear of rejection, of many things comes in and we get so wired...
So for BPD it's 'normal'. I'm sorry you are going trough such a hard time. Maybe for now try to distract yourself with something awesome. Force your mind to have as many breaks and rests from this issue as possible. It will be hard, not gonna bluesky you, but there is no rule how BPD affected people act their relationships out. Your personality, you come first, so don't think because of this diagnosis you will follow a DSM pattern.
<3

Thank you guys all for your replies, sorry i havent had a chance to get back to you all. I just get exhausted with the EVERYDAY worrying about my relationship, it gets old and exhausting. It definitely is every relationship and i cant seem to stop doing it. I have been going to therapy for years but JUST got diagnosed with BPD, FRUSTRATING. I have an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practioner in two days and im totally nervous. I really want something to help with these doubts, but people who are sane in the head it seems like always tell me i must not love my boyfriend.