Do all Borderlines only see in black or white?

Someone is either "all good" or "all bad"?

For me this isn't the case. I can see some grey area. I do idealize though, very intensely, and when I perceive abandonment, even when it's not real, or I think that maybe they don't love me anymore, etc., then I get very angry and lash out. I don't really devalue them, I just get angry at them. And this usually doesn't last long. I feel a lot of remorse after I've calmed down and they've reassured me of their feelings, and certain things they might have said or that I might have said kind of stick with me and I think about it for a while after and sometimes I get this awful, empty feeling and I want to start another fight because I'm afraid they think I'm an awful person and what not. But I don't devalue them. I just hate myself and get angry at them.

i am just like you!!

I see a persons true colors. Is that black and white thinking?

I tend to analyze a person due to my trust issues,right down to what makes them tick.So in most people i know what they are right from the start.In essence i don't have black and white thinking,thought it seems like that if i get triggered.I have a bunch of empathy for people,and some of them i do idealize.If you would have a fight with me and i cared for you ,you would be utterly confused,screaming screaming,then apologies and feeling really really wrong at what i've done.So you would say i cycled a lot of devaluation and idealization through that time...I didn't.I'd say that my " i'm angry because i care" is really pronounced ,i never actually devalued a person as in hating them immensely.Just emotional detachment,and that is with people i have had no rundowns in my life with.If i fight with you,i idealize you.Maybe love you,or have a deep respect for you.Reading this forum made me realize that i could compare some of the BPD idealization with a doggy loyalty kind of thing.We're constantly scared of being hurt,but if we care for you enough,we are living doormats(i'm not saying everybody here folks ,so don't get offended ).I know all the good and bad sides of each person in my life,and i could shove them at their faces if i wanted too,yes,in terms of this,i categorize it as good and bad,black and white,but who doesn't ,it's natural,that's why you call it flaws and virtues.There's my two cents on this topic

I'd like to say that I see lots of shades, but generally, I'm a b&w guy. Some people I like, some I don't, most I just don't care about. How long I hate someone or love someone really depends on how intense or frequent the interactions between us are, favouring either side. If someone does something that deeply hurts me, it'll take a long time before I will, if ever, forgive them for it.

I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. And to think, they made me a mod.

the other me wrote:I see a persons true colors. Is that black and white thinking?

I'm like that, and that is what I base my ''all or nothing'' on...
I believe the Borderline gift ( ) of seeing beyond what others see in people, is what makes us B&W thinkers - we either 'do' them or 'don't do' them We either like their true colours or not, depending on where they sit with there we are at. At that moment in time...
I do however change my perception of people ALOT - back and forth. It gets so confusing.
WHAAA

-- Wed Feb 06, 2013 3:08 pm --

JohnnyBlaze wrote: And to think, they made me a mod.

This may or may not be typical?

If I don't know you, I can see a spectrum. I have three categories people can go in. I either like you, don't or I am indifferent. Switching between these, after first impression is pretty difficult. After I get close to someone, I split them into how they act. When they are being a bitch, I split that off as the "other"... its almost like another person all together. Then I can treat the bitch version really awful, because I hate that one. I know this makes no sense, and I have gotten better about it lately. Well... :/ with some notable exceptions.

So when a person is being mean I hate them; when they are being nice I love them. I see people in one of two ways: They are either acting nearly perfect with very few or no flaws, their smile breaks the overcast clouds, pouring sun rays down on flocks of bare-bootied cherubim, singing merrily with harps. Their voice is 1000 baby fairies, dancing capriciously on bells and their presence is the essence of comfort, peace and love. Or they are the most self-centered, reprehensible, vapid bitch on the planet. Just looking at their evil face makes my skin crawl. Their mere presence in the room with me is enough to make my anxiety start going through the roof. Proximity -or worse even, touch- incites instance fight or flight reaction.

Switching between the two is fairly easy for other people. Do something extraordinarily nice when you are split black, or something awful or invalidating when you are split white.

I developed this really strange coping mechanism during a long distance relationship. Whenever she was in person, she was wonderful to me: ~Dream Come True~ ... Whenever we were on the phone she was psychobatshit crazy. She acted like two different people, so I treated her like it. Thus began the most maladaptive coping mechanism I do. I see black and white, rather than black or white.

I developed this really strange coping mechanism during a long distance relationship. Whenever she was in person, she was wonderful to me: ~Dream Come True~ ... Whenever we were on the phone she was psychobatshit crazy. She acted like two different people, so I treated her like it. Thus began the most maladaptive coping mechanism I do. I see black and white, rather than black or white.

This is like describing my ldr,but we were both like this in in it *shrugs*,we basically just projected the black and white thinking back and forth..."no you are crazy" "no you are"

I would think most people experience black and white thinking. Love/hate. Like/dislike. Good/bad. In my opinion...the middle ground would be nothing more than indifference. That is my "numb" area. If I am there it is because I either just don't care or the person who caused me to retreat there has hurt me and is about to be black. Once I think someone black...I can't think of a time they have ever become white again. There may be some fluctuation but there would be no trust. The damage would have already been done and my defenses would be in place with said person.

invisable wrote:
If I don't know you, I can see a spectrum.
So when a person is being mean I hate them; when they are being nice I love them.

This! It's like a constant grey scale with the majority of people as I'm not particularly interested with other people's lives and don't consider them to be close to me but as soon as someone does the slightest thing that leads me to glorify them, they then put themselves in a kind of glass cabinet where if they do one thing wrong I will know about it and they become this disgusting, hated being that I absolutely loathe for ever 'tricking' me into liking them.... do something that I like and they become an angel again and I wonder why I ever thought they were not...

Most of the time people don't even realise it. It's quite tiring and even painful when they go from angel to demon so rapidly and erratically, to hide so much of the betrayal and anger I feel inside

Stupid really :/