Could I have it? Could my mother also? Please help

Hello all,

I have been to therapy and I am constantly trying to understand myself, and the impact that my mother has had on me. I'm not sure if I have BPD or if the effect of her BPD left me to feel like I have it, because she has a tendancy to make me to be the "crazy" one though she is pretty loony. I'm not sure if she or I have it, and i would appreciate if any of you could give me insight. I am planning on seeking a psychologist immediately. I have been looking at BPD and as I learn more about it, i become fearful and excited. Fearful that i may have it, and excited, that there are others like me.

My mother: My mother vacillates between being a big witch. I mean, she can be nasty. Emotionally abusive, name calling, berating, and even some physical abuse at times. Other times, she can be the sweetest and most generous woman ever. I know it may seem like i am doing splitting, but I mean it, and others see it, she is either SUPERRR nice or extremely angry/nasty/mean. She has horrible outburts. As a child I did not know if I would come home to a nice mom or a nasty mom. As a result I am an anxious young woman, because as a child I did not have any stable caregiver. She doesn't engage in a lot of risk taking behavior, it's more just that she is extremely volatile and must get her way with everything. She almost has selective memory.

On to me. I saw a therapist for fear I was a bitch, or horrible, my therapist said nothing is wrong with me, that my mother kind of "labeled"me as the bad child, the horrible one. however, as I read BPD forums, I do have some tendancies that seem borderliny to me.

1. I have an extremely hard time controlling my mood with those SUPPERRR close to me. WIth friends, i am super fun and funny. But with romantic relationships one moment i am super in love, the other moment i am imagining cheating on my fiance (i never actually would though) and leaving him. I get angry instantly.

2. I am lonely and do feel like i don't have a good sense of my identity.

3. I would say the main thing is i can go from angry to pure joy and vice versa very quickly. I don't do drugs or self harm. I just have a very hard time controlling my anger and emotion. I also go from idealization to devaluation.

Im wondeirng what people think? do i seem like i have BPD? Thank you for your time.

I'm no expert on BPD, the only reason i am asking it is because i took a test online a few days ago and i scored 86% for borderline so now i am beginning to wonder if i have it. I should point out that i also scored 82% for Schziotypal and i haven't got the vaguest clue what that is at all. Oh and 74% for paranoid as well. Not looking that good i don't think.

As for personality traits i think i am a pretty sincere individual, if i like you then you know it and the opposite is also very pronounced. It's not like i am horrible to people i don't like but i certainly won't make any effort with them, it's more casual indifference. I am very loyal though, when i like someone a lot i stick with them always, i love loyality as a character trait. I can be a bit volatile though when someone upsets me, i have never been violent but i can be very moody if someone rubs me up the wrong way. I think it's because i put so much effort into friendships and i get very disappointed when i feel someone has let me down in some way and i have trouble hiding my disappointment. With the borderline thing though one aspect that did ring quite true was the inability to form very close relationships with people. I like people, i love having friends but i have been really unsuccessful in relationships. I put this down to maybe not meeting the right person but now i am thinking that maybe the Borderline has something to do with it, i'm not sure, i am just speculating. Even when i meet someone i love to bits though it doesn't seem to go very well, i was seeing this girl i liked very much indeed for the past couple of years but it recently finished with her saying that she never wanted me to contact her again and that she would be changing her number and email. I didn't think i was that bad but then again i am seeing it from my side so maybe i was i'm not sure anymore. I am going to take the test again and see what score i come up with, it did say to take the test multiple times on different days. I have a feeling that i will score highly for borderline again though. Like you i am just a bit confused with it all.

i took a test from the APA, and i scored 100% for borderline personality disorder. i currently take Geodon and lexapro for unstable moods and sometimes losing touch with reality. so, when i go back to my doctor, im going to have him test me for it. None of my doctors did any formal screening for anything. they just slapped me with the dx of bipolar disorder, and then gave me pills. antipsychotics really suck. they make me tired all the time, to the point where i can't perform well in school because im falling asleep in class.

I think we're in the same boat, you got the paddle? Hehe.

I do think you have symptoms of BPD, but my advice is don't diagnose yourself. I did for years, labeling me bipolar, when in reality it was BPD. It made MUCH more sense when I learned about it.

I believe my mother also has it, but along with being narcissitic, which I guess is common alongside BPD in some cases. What you described above sent chills down my spine because it's familar! It's like my mom is 2 different people.

Which leads you to wonder, is your "disorder" if it is that learned behavior or biologic or both? I know it is all confusing.

My advice, get diagnosed first it's easier to deal then to just assume. When you have BPD, you can and will make assumptions that are irrational in nature. Just speaking from my own experience because I know I do that!

Good luck to you.

pinkandpurple88 wrote:Hello all,

I have been to therapy and I am constantly trying to understand myself, and the impact that my mother has had on me. I'm not sure if I have BPD or if the effect of her BPD left me to feel like I have it, because she has a tendancy to make me to be the "crazy" one though she is pretty loony. I'm not sure if she or I have it, and i would appreciate if any of you could give me insight. I am planning on seeking a psychologist immediately. I have been looking at BPD and as I learn more about it, i become fearful and excited. Fearful that i may have it, and excited, that there are others like me.

My mother: My mother vacillates between being a big witch. I mean, she can be nasty. Emotionally abusive, name calling, berating, and even some physical abuse at times. Other times, she can be the sweetest and most generous woman ever. I know it may seem like i am doing splitting, but I mean it, and others see it, she is either SUPERRR nice or extremely angry/nasty/mean. She has horrible outburts. As a child I did not know if I would come home to a nice mom or a nasty mom. As a result I am an anxious young woman, because as a child I did not have any stable caregiver. She doesn't engage in a lot of risk taking behavior, it's more just that she is extremely volatile and must get her way with everything. She almost has selective memory.

On to me. I saw a therapist for fear I was a bitch, or horrible, my therapist said nothing is wrong with me, that my mother kind of "labeled"me as the bad child, the horrible one. however, as I read BPD forums, I do have some tendancies that seem borderliny to me.

1. I have an extremely hard time controlling my mood with those SUPPERRR close to me. WIth friends, i am super fun and funny. But with romantic relationships one moment i am super in love, the other moment i am imagining cheating on my fiance (i never actually would though) and leaving him. I get angry instantly.

2. I am lonely and do feel like i don't have a good sense of my identity.

3. I would say the main thing is i can go from angry to pure joy and vice versa very quickly. I don't do drugs or self harm. I just have a very hard time controlling my anger and emotion. I also go from idealization to devaluation.

Im wondeirng what people think? do i seem like i have BPD? Thank you for your time.

Hi, i am a diagnosed BPD and so is my mother.

obviously I am not a psychiatrist but it does sound like the both of you have BPD.
my relationship with my mother has always been rocky. from a young age I had to take on the role as woman of the house, as she would never clean. we used to fight so bad the neighbours would come over. screaming, throwing, grabbing, name calling, etc.

I can remember when I was much younger (close to 13) getting into horrible fights with my mom, then she would run the the store and by the time she got back we were best friends again.

she was only diagnosed when I was 17, and I was diagnosed two years later, now i'm 20.

i like what you said about the selective memory, because I experience this myself. my husband will remind me of something that I said, and I will have absolutely no memory of it. the way I feel about it, it's like I have two brains. a non-bpd brain and a bpd brain. when the bpd takes over, i can tell.
my moods swing, i feel generally hopeless, cry for no reason, and i experience intrusive and hurtful thoughts.

i have also had thoughts of cheating, then immediately been angry with myself and hated myself for even considering such a thing.

my moods can swing from extremely happy to desperately hopeless in a matter of minutes.