The Dragon

I was reading something in relation to BPD a while back and the author, a diagnosed middle-aged BPD herself, referred to "The Dragon" in her writings about herself and her early years with her PD prior to therapy.

She basically described it as this illusive creation of her mind that she was constantly at war with every waking hour of her day, and it made her into this person who was always in warrior mode because of this enemy that she always saw herself at war with.

Like because of this "Dragon" she had constant aggressive energy, and fears, and saw malice in everyone's intentions and behaviour, and always felt there was some illusive enemy she had to overcome, and she felt constantly at war with this enemy.

But she later found out it was all in her mind, that this Dragon wasn't real it was a creation of hr mind but it turned her into this really maladjusted person.

Can you guys relate to this at all? Do you have a "Dragon" in your life, or so you perceive, that you are constantly at war with every waking hour of the day?

sometimes crystal, i am the dragon, just not always as cute.

I can definitely relate to this dragon, although I've never phrased it that was, more like another person, some other entity. I like the description "dragon", fighter, ready to battle, ready to defend, leaving a path of distraction in the present, representative of the destruction of the path. I usually feel some what assumed after my "dragon " moments, and work hard to keep this other part, this open wound, hidden and quiet.

Does anyone else regret these "dragon" moments?

Id say The Dragon isnt in my imagination. It very real to me. And to others

I call it my demon, but yeah it's essentially the same thing. Always there, 24/7, even when I'm happy and not stressed about anything at the moment, I can still feel it waiting in the background, still trying to skew my perception of what's really going on. It's easily the worst part of my collective mental illness.

It's the part that keeps me from getting out of bed in the morning, or actually doing work instead of staring at a blank screen. The part that really pulls out the self-harm/suicidal aspects of my life.

I feel like it's a combination of the "chronic feelings of emptiness" of BPD, the depression from my BPII, and anxiety. Almost like there's a hole inside of me, but instead of being empty, it's just an amorphous restless haze that clouds my achievements and positive traits and exaggerates my shortcomings and fears. I've almost come to accept that I'll never make it through life truly rid of it and at peace, just at bay.

When I saw the word dragon I about fell out of my chair, I just said that to myself this morning. The BPD me is like a roaring, fire breathing dragon! Oh wowww...

The dark side. Everyone is out to get you.

wineaux wrote:sometimes crystal, i am the dragon, just not always as cute.

Yeah that's a cute dragon lol