how to make him be and feel responsible for his actions ?

Hi everybody,

I am new on this forum.Dont pay attention if you see some english mistakes as I am French.
I have just separated from my boyfriend 2 months ago.I didnt know at that time he was borderline.
He doesnt know he is as he never went to a shrink and he probably deosnt know what borderline means.He is aware neverthless that his emotions are ruling his life, he said sorry to me so many times.But as he has been like that for a long time, he is used to it and thinks that it is his caracter.I have tried recently ago via email to tell him that it was not normal to react so excessively.I have made the mistake to send him a website about bordeline people and the answer I got from it was I am a manipulator, I take advantage of people and I am not trust worthy.
So I 'd like to know how to do to tell him that he should believe me when I say that he has weird reaction ? How to make him open his eyes ?because its the key, he will take care of himself and will see a shrink only if he is convinced that he has a problem otherwise why would he go .So how to convince him?
Besides, he has a son and I already see some signs of BPD.He is very dependant on his father cause he only sees him in weekends, he doesnt like to hear "no" as he feels rejected, as if we punish him or dont love him anymore, he is not autonomous.
Should I use his son to make him react or do y think that if I bring his son up he will even be more mad at me ?
Please help me cause he is alone, nobody sees what he has, not even him, not his own family and I know for sure he is borderline.I care for him and it hurts me to think he will go into another relationship which will end probably cause the new girl wont stand all his moodiness, impulsivity, baby thoughts....

thanks to all of you to give me as much opinions as possible.

xxx


<< Prev Topic | Next Topic >>

XXX,

There is nothing that you can do. Just as with any mental illness, the individual who is afflicted must seek help on their own. For you to attempt to point this out will only make you the enemy. "DO NOT" try to use his child to get through to him. Keep the child out of the equation as much as possible. I know that you care, but until he is ready to face his own problems, you are wasting your time and energy as well as creating drama in your own life.

I hope this helps.

Anytime you find yourself saying the words: "How do I make him do/feel/be X," stop yourself.

He is who he is. If he wants you badly enough, and he's able, he'll sort himself out. If he doesn't, or he's not able, it's not going to work out anyway. Don't waste your life waiting around for him. You can love him and be as supportive for him as he allows and as you feel able, but get on with your life. Remember that even if he weren't sick, you might not end up with him in the long run; not everything depends on the illness.

Maybe you should write him a final (for now) note and tell him you're sorry if you offended him (it is offensive to be told you have a mental illness), you love him and wish the best for him, you hope his relationship works out, and you'll be there if he needs someone to talk to or whathaveyou.

And if you can sincerely wish him well no matter what, send it.

Take care.