Emptiness and self harm

Hi all,

I'm really struggling to cope at the moment. I feel empty and i have had a major relapse as far as self harm goes, i had managed to get it down to about once a month before but i'm harming every day and truthfully I don't want to stop. my mum saw some pretty bad wounds by mistake and freaked out and cried and then i cried and we argued and it was bloody awful. My medication isn't working and after trying so many different ones i'm starting to think that nothing will help. i'm between therapists at the moment because i was placed with a man when i had specifically asked for a woman doctor and was then told that i would have to wait another month to see someone.
i feel as though i don't have anyone, my closest friend is always with her boyfriend and i think i kind of pushed her away a bit. i didn't even realise i was doing it. I'm also missing my sister, who i normally talk to when i'm struggling, she and her boyfriend are in africa for a year travelling and I feel bereft, almost as if she had died or something. i know that sounds stupid and they've only been gone a month but i used to talk to her every day. I don't know... i just feel... bad. I can't put a name to it. just bad.

millie x

Sorry I didn't answer you sooner, Millie. I've been sick with the flu, so I haven't been looking at anything other than my pillow, lately.

How're you feeling now? Are you any more calm about things? Talk to me, Millie - what's going through your mind?

Don't worry about the SH. It happens. We all have our good times and our bad times, and during the bad times, nothing feels more appropriate than cutting/burning/whatevering ourselves to shreds. All we can do is say "okay, it happened. Once I start to get okay again, let's start fresh." Don't think of it as a relapse, because relapsing makes it sound like you failed somehow, and you most certainly did not. You're hurting more than normal and can't find any other outlet for the pain. That's perfectly okay.

I don't know what we can do, but we'll do whatever we can to help you get through this. You're not going to suffer alone.

thanks so much for replying, i really appreciate your kind words. sometimes i think that the people on psychforums are the only ones that understand! i am feeling a little calmer today, and i havent self harmed since my last post which i guess is good. i'm trying really hard just to get through every day, and i'm also trying to reach out to my friends, so i don't end up with none.

i hope you feel better soon btw, being ill sucks!

much love
millie x

Yes please don't beat yourself up over the self harm, for me that only makes me want to do it more. I also average about once a month, but at one point I went 3 months without cutting. For me it really is the feeling of emptiness that makes me want to harm, the pain gives me release but also makes me feel something as opposed to nothing at all. I've also been wondering if it's a way to get to whats inside of me.

Just know that this is a moment in time that will pass. Feel better hon.