PD Family

So I was reading this article on BPD/NPD mothers and infantilization of children or one child. This puts the finger on what I could not give a description to. My mother treats me like I am 4 years old. It's not obvious; I feel like I am shooting in the dark most of the time with my mother. Only now and then do I get glimpses of honesty. Most of the time I hear it when she thinks I am not around or it's under her breath at the dinner table etc.
It's a pay off of feeling abandoned vs. maybe having a life...
If I defend myself I am giving them a an excuse for their behaviour, not to mention the rage and suicidal feelings I get when they do this.
I was reading Understanding BPD Mothers and saw the part about the 'Lost Child'. I think I sort of fit this but I am still living at home.
My entire family also scapegoats me while saying to me that I am the one doing the abusing. For example,
I wondered if anyone else has experienced or seen this happen to one of their siblings? It's like I have been kept in the dark all this time..I am sickeningly aware of what is going on and yet, maybe im just making excuses?, feel powerless to do anything. I shut out feelings because it's comfotable but because I can. I am enabled to an extent.
There's part of this article that says: BPD/NPD/HPD mothers may let their child screw up their lives in order to be able to reprimand them. This is exactly what is going on! It's as if my mother is just waiting for an excuse..but in the mean time she's content to talk about me behind my back, turning people against me.
Even when I was on the psych ward she did the whole divide and conquer thing and went around getting attention and sympathy from ward staff and family 'friends' yet when she was alone with me she'd act as if I was simply in hospital because I was trying to get attention/manipulating the system to achieve something. She only seems to think I am capable of evil. She gets very upset when I am happy/friendly/expressing any emotion she does not sanction.
It's actually incredible how anything I do falls of deaf ears so to speak. My Dad just stands aside and lets it happe, while gloating in his superiority.
Anyway, I just wondered if anyone has any experences similar and how they got out with a sense of hope to recover and have a life. It is hard enough but with this environment it's just seriously weird and I feel like a spoilt brat, everyone sees a spoilt child, but it's not the whole story.
I feel constantly dissociated.

I relate to you so much but I will have to expand on this later for the meantime have you visited daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com?

-- Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:39 pm --

I relate to you so much but I will have to expand on this later for the meantime have you visited daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com?

-- Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:40 pm --

I relate to you so much but I will have to expand on this later for the meantime have you visited daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com?

I had similar family dynamics as a kid. Isn't it strange that the mother figure seems more often to be the perpetrator of this type of abuse. Well done for identifying it so clearly - it took me many years to do so.
I hope you can become independant of your mother before too long - my experience was that it was impossible to make progress while living at home
Much sympathy to you

Sounds so much like my mother. Then you're left to pick up the pieces, getting no acknowledgement ever that she did anything wrong. In fact, you did wrong! You're the horrible "psycho", and as proof, you have a psychiatric diagnosis for her to prove it! Or so she'll say. It's hard. I've had to break free myself. I'm still trying to pull my life together because of it. It's a long, hard battle. Part of you already knows this, and is afraid of this, so its hard to get started at improving your life, because it can be scary. Not to say that is the case, but it seems like it is from what I read and if its similar to what I went through.

It can seem like a long uphill battle that you're looking at. It's a rough road up.

OP, can you please post the link for the article? Thanks.