symptoms/long term relationship

having been married to a classic textbook bpd for 10 years and been together for 13, I believe all the raging crazy bpd behavior has over time subsided to a very minimal level. It has been the most painful and traumatic situation i have ever been through but through time abnd work it has gone away to a large extent. I confronted her on it flatout very early on(ie you have bpd/hpd and for us to continue it has to be worked on). I feel that my wife respects the enduring nature of our relationship and our family(4 yo twins). I think that she fears abandonment(having been abandoned by both her parents) more than she seems to need to feed the HPD/bpd, and i have used this to control alot of the bpd tendencies. I have provided a fantastic life for our family and this is important to her also. I have suffered greatly and am convinced that i now suffer from some form of ptsd to some degree but things have improved greatly(although i am sure that the bpd/hpd lies just below the surface). any other examples of the symtoms going away or subsiding in a long term relationship?

I am not sure if I can be any help to you. But I am a 25 years old and my mom has bpd. My parents have been married for 25 years and over the years my mom has gotton WAY worse! I am sure this is not always the case but I believe the path of treatment for somebody with bpd is long and hard. Even though i don't think my dad is jummping for joy they make it. I have seen the devistation that it has caused myself, my sister and my dad. My best advice would be to protect yourself and your kids at all cost! From what I had in my own life I am very angry with my own dad for not standing up for me more or himself for that matter. My sister didn't need him because she was the "good child". My dad did nothing and still has a hard time with "doing much" about my mom and she has been able to destroy many relationships as a result. I have not talked to my mom for 4 years because her behavior is out of control I probly never will talk to her again. I have just started in the last year to talk to my dad again. My best advice... Accountabillity, boundaries, support and sleep with one eye open.

it helps just to talk about it....thanks for the reply
in my case it has gotten WAY better, but in the process it has exhasuted me, long before i started to explore this deeper, i set "the Boundaries"(before i even heard the term), and defended them as a hill that i would die on, and i believe through hard work and force of character and personality(mine) my wife has made great strides, again however i feel that it has taken alot out of me,like i won the battles and lost the war, my wife is better off and i am much worse for the wear. I am convinced that i suffer PTSD. It is exhaustive being the HPD/BPD cop, all the time. i am sure that it is somethng i can prevail over also, but it afffects our marriage also

I was dx'd BPD many years ago, and I don't know for certain that I do have it; could just be PTSD from a number of sexual assaults. However, be that as it may (6 of one, half dozen of the other -- still some darn erratic behaviour from me), yes, in my case at least, it got better. However, it is absolutely essential for me that I be aware of my need for structure, for constructive, creative self-expression, and for routine. My husband is great. From my perspective, never having thought of myself as a "normal" person, it's wonderful to be with someone who has never, ever said or thought (apparently) that I was anything but normal -- which I find hard to believe, but seems to work for us. He's very into his job, which works well for both of us because I just kind of orbit around him, and he enjoys my intensity without being overwhelmed. We've been together for about 15 years now. He doesn't denigrate my feelings when I'm upset about something, but he doesn't join in with me, doesn't take over the problem, he just seems to expect me to be okay. And then, I am.