Identity Issues

I've been reading about TFP (transference focused therapy) and how it can be used to treat BPD. Has anyone tried it? Or have any good info on it?

I heard this psychologist talking about it online and it interested me. It basically said that borderlines have too much aggression and a focus of treatment was to balance their aggression with their more loving side. And also, that borderlines have identity diffusion-that they don't know who they are-so that affects many key life areas like relationships, work etc..that borderlines are in a constant search for an identity, basically reinventing themselves all the time. With the relationship issues, it said that the borderline is trying to get someone else to fill them and make up for their ego weaknesses-I think this just means that they try to get a sense of identity from relationships so when relationships end, it really is catastrophic to the borderline because their sense of self goes out the window and it's like they have to start again and reinvent themselves yet again and that continuous cycle leaves the borderline feeling empty which is unsurprising really.

It's similar to DBT in that they talk about all or nothing thinking only they call it "dyads" or "splitting" and they likewise try to advise the person to seek a balance however TFP seems to place more emphasis on the aggression and identity disturbance as opposed to the acting out behaviours, that they feel the borderline is only acting out due to the emptiness they feel from the identity disturbance. I was reading that Marsha Linehan feels like once the borderline can regulate their emotions, then they can set goals for themselves and have a sense of self.

I feel like I'm relatively good at regulating my emotions now however I still struggle with a sense of self so I'm starting to become more interested in TFP. The practical side of myself feels like I just need to set long term goals and that a permanent sense of self will materialise in due course-that I need to do the work first before I get the results.

I also struggle with the "FAST" acronym in DBT..it's sometimes hard for me to really discern what my values are in situations. I have some core values that I never break and I do genuinely try to act with integrity however I just think it's hard to know in any given situation whether you're being equally fair to yourself and to someone else. I apply that acronym to the best of my ability however I think it's a tough one for everyone, even nons. Also, I've realised that GIVE can be used in a conflict situation with a friend or loved one which I hadn't realised before.

I'm also reading about mentalisation-has anyone else done that? I just read about it however I feel like I get the gist of it..that it is just basically empathy really. I find that my empathy goes in a conflict situation and that it's easy for me to lose my patience so in relationships, I think mentalisation might be a good skill for me to practice. Oh and also when I'm criticised harshly- I tend to feel defensive. In other situations, I feel like I can empathise and relate to other people really well so that's not a major issue for me-just something I could brush up on, I guess.

Have people here had success at dealing with identity issues? With establishing core values in their lives that they practice on a daily basis? Establishing a successful career, successful relationships etc? Can anyone else relate to these issues that I've outlined in this post? I feel like I have a good understanding of the issues and what I need to do however I'd love some feedback from others here