Why do I/ we get sucked in by the narcissists so easily?!

I am aware that boardlines and narcies are attracted to each other like a fly on poo, but why?? I feel as though I give and I give and they keep me hanging on that one day I'll finally get the love/ attention I need. Can this relationship even work? If both of us are aware of how we are and can be understanding of each others needs with our personalities? Or should I just not be a stupid needy girl who freaks out when I don't get the amount of love/ attention I need? Does anyone else get this way?

I don't know why they're attracted to us. Though some of us end up attracted to them, because they're not as easily scared away from our emotional issues I guess. I don't know.

Though I think that they're able to control us more because they can read our emotions and manipulate us based on them. But there is hope. You can stop letting them, because they can only manipulate you if you let them.

'stupid needy girl' no way...don't call yourself that. I think we gravitate to narcs because it is so easy to project our hopes on them. Many come off as ultra confident and highly functional (which the BPD can't resist because our self esteem is so low). My last 3 boyfriends were narcs, but in the end they were no match for the BPD in me, people can try to call our bluff but they will never win.

Also narcs are drawn to us, we are the ultimate challenge. They do much better than others to keep us from getting bored. That attention you crave, usually they know how to give just enough to keep us into them.

My current boyfriend is a narc as well, he's agreed with me that I need to alert him when he starts to berate me and he will alert me when I start to switch. We are both aware of our PD's and want to make this work. Hope that helps.

motionissue wrote:I think that they're able to control us more because they can read our emotions and manipulate us based on them.

^^ this. oh, and because we're excruciatingly hot.

wineaux wrote: and because we're excruciatingly hot.

I sense a pun

I totally agree with motionissue in that narcs find it easy to manipulate us, but we are able to control them in ways they're not even aware of until it's too late.

wineaux wrote:motionissue wrote:
I think that they're able to control us more because they can read our emotions and manipulate us based on them.


^^ this. oh, and because we're excruciatingly hot.

And absolutely sensational in bed. Who wouldn't want us.

Joking aside: With a narcissist I know I should walk away. Yet I feel the need to stay. They are maddening. As well as unreasonable. They think they always have the answer. When the truth is they often won't even take the chance to learn if the outcome meets the answer. Because they already know in their mind that it will. The answer was there for them before it even began.

...they need to be loved and we can love obsessively and without bounds...i'm sure they think '$#%^, why do i keep falling for borderlines'....like a moth to the flame of our infactuation.
lets not be naive in thinking 'poor borderline' and 'abusive narcisist'. borderlines are prey and predator combined, weak and strong, vulnerable and dangerous....
why do i fall for these types? maybe cause they fuel my need to love and they can cope with the intesity with which i can love. if i got a 10th back of what i can give thats enough to keep me happy...

Complementary behaviours: One side of the dyad is painfully hypersensitive to people, and the other is completely indifferent. The NPD's indifference induces the BPD's separation anxiety. It's an utterly toxic mix of personalities that sets both parties into a PD amplification spiral.

scotsdoug wrote:they need to be loved and we can love obsessively

They may "need" it but they don't easily allow it. For every step forward they then cause you to take 2 back. They push us away. More than we push away. And since we are discussing this I don't know about everyone else but the narcissist is the only one I have ever wanted to pull back to me. And I may very well be a fool but the narcissist is as well the only one I have ever felt to be the other half of me.

The only one I feel would be capable of "rescuing" me. Even as he holds me under water.

It's unhealthy. They fear too much.