Men who cry

The web's a great place for insight into growing past inner struggles.

Except one topic.

Men who cry.

Men who experience powerful emotions and choose to live them instead of deny them.

I think it's a shame. All this self acceptance and validation mantra goes out the window when a man dares to threaten the paradigm and live the life he's dealt. Plenty of references to homosexuality and trans gender and women saying "I could never respect or trust a man who cries". Talk about projection. What does sexual appetite have to do with living the emotions your mind creates?

Sure, I'm talking about myself. Funny thing is I'm secure in who I am, I know that I'm a man with the typical physical desires, assertive posture, aggressive abilities. Have never felt like the trans gender thing had any appeal, don't desire to behave in a way I see as feminized. But there is another layer, and one that if I dare to embrace and live seems to bring out some pretty strong reactions from some men and women. Just an odd thing, I'd think the reactions of other men show me that they have this same aspect of self, otherwise there would be nothing to react to. I've been lovers with a couple of lesbian women, and oddly they were threatened by this side of me too, all the while claiming to embrace it.

OK, shut up, man up, drink a beer and talk about football and objectifying women. And it's chiefly women perpetuating this view. Think about that. Perpetuating the traits they claim to hate.

Good point.

I myself cry and had a recent ex tease me about it if we watched an emotional movie. I'm very empathetic and consider myself emotionally deep. That is an upside for romantic/caring women. The downside of this heart on sleeve syndrome is when when women perceive it as insecure/needy and it does happen trust you me.

I enjoy a beer, football, lifting heavy weights, making off-color jokes and looking at beautiful women. I also happen to love documentaries about social struggles, romantic movies, sad movies, sad music, etc. Crying can be very cathartic.

i think it's quite endearing and can also be very sexy...

I'm a man who cries. If you can't trust a man who feels and refuses to deny what he feels, then you can't trust a trustworthy man, because you're not trustworthy.

I used to deny my own emotions, I was raised and taught to. It didn't get me to nice places. Hence, I decided to let myself feel what I feel. Emotions are a beautiful thing. I love men and women who have them XD

Besides, I've been around some people that didn't show a whole lot of emotion. And I gotta say.... They didn't turn out all that trustworthy.

Despondent81 wrote:Good point.

I myself cry and had a recent ex tease me about it if we watched an emotional movie. I'm very empathetic and consider myself emotionally deep. That is an upside for romantic/caring women. The downside of this heart on sleeve syndrome is when when women perceive it as insecure/needy and it does happen trust you me.

Yea. Good point. Yes, the issue could be a woman that perceive's one as insecure and needy. Given that we're on a BPD discussion group there's a pretty good chance of that. And it's a profoundly invalidating experience to be judged wanting at such a moment of intimacy and vulnerability. Women who don't like the angry / abusive side of men who internalize their emotions might take note. It's funny, I've never thought less of a person for sharing a thought of shame. It's such a treasure of trust and intimacy, and such a simple thing to give the gift of acceptance at that moment. It's a test of a partner, and every woman except my therapist I've allowed a glimpse of the core injury has devalued and abandoned me. Guess that's the sign to do more work alone before letting one in.

Thank you for your thoughts. Yea, crying while I write this. Oh well.

Some women when thinking of stereotypes just think of the "sensitive modern man".

But past the stereotypes in many "tough" subcultures its actually perfectly acceptable for a man to cry in public and be openly emotional, for example when his daughter gets married (one example i've seen.)

Where male crying is seen as unacceptable, its just a lie that most men don't - basically the men who are expected to uphold that mainly cry in private but never admit that they do. Its nothing more than secretiveness. Some people really don't cry, but its not actually true for most men.

As a woman I actually find the whole gender expectations thing insulting and uncomfortable.

If people cry they cry. I won't see a person as weak unless they are weak, not because e.g. they loved their dog or something.

Men are seen crying more often in today's society though.