Another break up...I think I'm just gonna give up! Poss Trig

So I'll give you some background for it all to make sense. So if it's long I apologize! About a year ago I decided after being single for four years that I finally had the courage to start dating normally again. Instead of just getting my fill from randoms that I wasn't really interested in.

*TRIGGER* The guy that I was totally in love with and was only dating him for like four months ( he was really the first one I started dating when I made the decision to consciously start making an effort to be in a relationship). He was really nice to me and paid attention to me. But in the end I realized he wasn't honest with me at all. I told him about my mental health stuff and how I struggle with emotional dysregulation ect...So you would think that he would have been honest about his. At the beginning he told me that he suffers from depression and suicidal ideation but that he has been getting way better and was really working on it. So who was I to judge someone for having a mental illness. Well about four months into my relationship he kept saying things to me to get me mad or hurt me. I couldn't understand why he kept doing this. I thought everything was going good and we were a good match for each other. He continued with these types of remarks/behaviours for like three weeks until I finally had had enough and I broke up with him because I felt as though I need to be treated better. So I didn't really see any signs that he was in fact not getting better at all and was lying to me to make me feel more comfortable and less worried about him. Well in March he ended his life and I was completely devastated. It was about a week after I broke things off with him. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know if there was something I should have done or said to him. I kept asking myself if I missed the signs. I have talked it with my therapist at length about this and have come to a conclusion that he was just very sick and there was nothing I could have done. And now I understand why he kept pushing me away. Anyways the whole thing just sucked.

I decided that I wasn't really gonna bring me down and back into a deep depression. So I made the choice to go forward and keep trying to meet new people and date men.

The guy I dated after this happened was this guy that I randomly bumped into in the city. I actually knew him from like 15 years ago when we went to college together (and this was on the other side of the country so it was totally random!). I was totally gaga over him then. He went out a few times and things to be going well. But then he started cancelling on me or not texting me when he said he was going to. So after about a month of this I kinda just gave up.


Now fast forward to now. I was just dating this guy for a couple months and I really did like him. I tried my very hardest to be understanding, patient and not demanding. I really tried not to jump to conclusions when he said he was gonna call or text and he didn't do it exactly when he said. He cancelled on me a couple times and I didn't fly off the handle. I merely took him at his word that he was busy with work. But now he has pretty much gone MIA over the past week. He just started a new job and is working like 14 hour days and lives about 45 minutes out of town so it is hard to find time to see each other. He has stated on a couple occasions that he does want to keep trying to see if this will work but I feel as though he really isn't trying to do anything to keep up with this statement. Not last night the night before he text me saying he was totally bummed out. I didn't get the text until the next day and I replied what's wrong. I didn't get an answer. Then on FB I got a message from him around 6 saying HI! And I replied back saying Hey! And no answer back. Then he text me asking me if I was getting his texts and I responded back no. And he never answered. I sent him another one asking him if he was getting mine and I didn't get an answer. I personally think the whole not getting messages is a bunch of bullish*t and it is his way to not to have to talk to me. So that relationship is definitely over.

So now I just feel like crap. I just feel I want to give up on the whole thing because nothing seems to be working in that area of my life. I just feel like I am destined to be alone but I really don't want to be alone. So I feel really stuck and not optimistic for the future at all.

Sorry for the long rambling....I just need to talk about it with other people who know how devastating it feels when people don't live up to what you thought they could be. I hope this makes sense because my mind is a bit foggy...Feel free to respond if you so wish but don't feel obligated!

Wow, that's really awful that ex boyfriend of yours committed suicide. That must have been such a shock however it's great that you decided to get on with your life and date some more. Relationships are tricky for everyone, even non-bpds! No-one has the magic answer to relationships, they're just trial and error. With my last relationship, I used a lot of CBT on it and I used the interpersonal effectiveness tools from DBT so even though the relationship didn't work out, I felt much more confident during the relationship and even afterwards too. Keep persevering, use your DBT skills and see how you get on!

interestedinlearning wrote:Wow, that's really awful that ex boyfriend of yours committed suicide. That must have been such a shock however it's great that you decided to get on with your life and date some more. Relationships are tricky for everyone, even non-bpds! No-one has the magic answer to relationships, they're just trial and error. With my last relationship, I used a lot of CBT on it and I used the interpersonal effectiveness tools from DBT so even though the relationship didn't work out, I felt much more confident during the relationship and even afterwards too. Keep persevering, use your DBT skills and see how you get on!

THanks for your kind words and advice. I am just so confused and ready to give up again. I don't really know how to keep it up. Its so discouraging and not to mention the blows on self esteem. I just feel drained. Thats all. Sucks in general! THanks though!

any update hon?

wineaux wrote:any update hon?

Yeah I talked to him last night and he tried reasoning with me saying that after Christmas (he works as a hospitality consultant at a ski resort) that things will definitely calm down. And then he wanted to make plans for New Years Eve together. So maybe I pulled a borderline and jumped to conclusions. I said that I would stay around but if things didn't change after Christmas then I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who is so busy. I feel kinda like an idiot for flying off the handle and venting so badly here.....

SO here is my last drama with this guy! I am totally done. I hadn't talked to him really other than a few random texts over the past couple days. So I text him and asked him if we could at least have a conversation sometime soon. And he replied I just had a 16 hour long day at work so I am not going to dignify that text with a response. WTF does that even mean? And to be clear you did answer that text with a response you idiot. (thats what I wanted to say). Anyways I text him saying that was harsh. I am not going to talk to him anymore...I am over being dramatic about giving up though. It's not the end of the world. LOL

Aw, sorry to hear that hun..it's good that you have a sense of perspective about it though and who knows, maybe things can work themselves out in time.

Sorry to hear about you ex. I'm dealing with crazy guy issues myself but I have to say the text your new guy sent you might be a warning about future behavior. He seems moody and might treat you nasty. How were you to know he worked 16 hours?? Stay strong! Some guys just suck!

Sorry to hear about you ex.

Thanks! I think I am dealing with it pretty good. The only thing I am a bit worried about is New Years Day because it is his birthday. As if he couldn't have a normal day for a birthday...ugh.

I'm dealing with crazy guy issues myself but I have to say the text your new guy sent you might be a warning about future behavior. He seems moody and might treat you nasty. How were you to know he worked 16 hours??

Thats what I was thinking. What a thing to say? Totally unnecessary I think. I don't think my text was rude or anything at all!

Thanks for the words of encouragement to you and interestedinlearning!

We will have to see. I definitely don't have any huge expectations that's for sure.