Unsure if I have a personality disorder or not.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I think I may have something more than that. I lie a lot to my doctors because I don't trust them, so I don't share certain things, such as this thing inside me that tells me to hurt myself, or become violent, and extremely mean. I'm not a mean person, but this thing takes over me and it's like I'm a different person. My girlfriend also thinks that I become a different person. I can't control it and it just happens. As soon as I'm "out of it" I'm fine, I don't remember a lot of what I do, and I'm embarrassed. When I am being taken over I hurt myself and I never feel it. I never hurt others, but I have found lots of ways to hurt myself. Sometimes when I'm out in public and I want to hurt myself it becomes a need. I try everything to hurt myself, I even start to breaks things to use to hurt myself and I just started biting myself. I need help understanding if I may have a personality disorder.

I've had a similar problem to yours. I was dx'd BipolarI 6 years ago. I know I have borferline traits though especially when it comes to my relationships with people. The problem here is that once you get a bipolar dx psychiatrists tend to let all your other behavoural issues fall under the Bipolar umbrella. Lying to your doc's will get you nowhere, I did that in the past and those issues always come up eventually anyway. I'm not too concerned with getting a BPD dx, just being aware of your behavioral issues and trying to deal with them is important. Good luck hon. I feel ya.

I have been diagnosed with both bipolar and borderline, i lie to psychiatrists and doctors. I don't trust them because they can admit you also i am a cynical person. If you admit you want to hurt yourself or others then they have the right and by law they can hold you there or put you in a hospital.

I don't remember a lot of what i do and am embarrassed. The worst is when i am crazy, i drink and abuse downers then go even crazier. I have had to shut my facebook account down for acting like a nutjob, i have people who found me through linked in and messaged me from my name and photo on a bipolar pride forum to see if i was seeking treatment for my outrages/episodes & i have recently had to hide and be depressed completely alone because of the irrational and out of line comments i made to a close friend and others during an episode. They have not contacted me and normally do. I am unable to explain the depths of how bad it is to doctors and often forget, or feel ashamed to or afraid of what they might do.

I am afraid of being in their complete control and sedated and made really fat by too many medications and losing everything. I also have had psychiatrists that don't say much or help me much so i gave up on help at one stage, too.

Bipolar and PD symptoms run together commonly. If unmedicated this also going to happen a lot more often. Bipolar is its own personality in some ways and Bipolar and BPD run together a lot of the time too.