suicidal thoughts - again

Why does everyone in my life let me down and hurt me?

do you think you deliberately choose people in life who are incapable of supporting you and helping you? just seems like everyone i'm close to seems intent on abandoning me in some way, and not giving me any support, and actively making things harder for me.

I just wish everyone would go away. or better, i wish that i could disappear.

Why does everyone want to hurt me? (what I personally feel)

I don't know. Unconsciously I must be picking men that are going to abuse me. It's weird. Even if I go for the seemingly "nice" types, they all become abusive in the end. WTF

EXACTLY! i always seem to go for guys who are completely emotionally unavailable. they are happy with me for the first few months until theres an issue and i need support, then they just shut down. i see all of my friends boyfriends just sticking with them through thick and thin and doing what they can to help them when they are down and stressed. mine just seems to get angry at me for needing anything, and has just stormed off into the night. its like he hates me just for expecting something from him.

i feel so utterly pointless and unimportant right now. i dont think anyone would actually miss me if i died. apart from maybe my dog (haha) and she's actually the only reason i havent done anything yet. i just want to be dead though. i dont see the point anymore.

omalley_cat wrote: i dont see the point anymore.

I feel the same right now. I wish I could just die , but I have obligations (a kid) so that is not an option.

Gotta suck it up and manage somehow. I think I'm over relationships. I can't deal with another one. They all just blow up in my face, I don't want to deal with the pain again. I can't add any more pain to my life.

Ditto on the lame guys. No support when you need them (sick or something bad happens to me), but they want you to mother them when they get a mosquito bite. I

exquisitecorpse wrote: I wish I could just die ,
I think I'm over relationships. I can't deal with another one. They all just blow up in my face, I don't want to deal with the pain again. I can't add any more pain to my life.

Ditto on the lame guys. No support when you need them (sick or something bad happens to me), but they want you to mother them when they get a mosquito bite. I

Hey all, for what it's worth - I am in the same boat. Just spent the last two hours thinking how I would go about it and what the implications would be...this then kind of made me laugh cause it would go somewhere like this:

My boss would be furious: How could she do that, considering she did not meet her sales target this month AND is still on probation?!
My family: Well, they probably would not even know for a long time, as we are NC. Would be majorly inconvenienced, though that they have to take care of the funeral etc, would then all try to outshine each other in their narcissistic attempts to all look good in front of each other, then would end up all blaming each other, then making up and agreeing it is all my fault in the end anyway.
My friends: Not sure they would find out either, maybe would just miss my quotes on facebook but would be too busy in their ever so hectic diaries to drive across town.
My ex: He would be delighted for it would finally confirm to him that I was always deranged. He would ask my mum, though, where my money went, and if I left him any in my will. Then he d probably come and pi** on my grave for I haven't.

But all in all it would probably take a very long time for someone to even realize that I m gone. The first person would probably be my landlord, who d turn up once the rent stops getting paid in a few months.

Kind of made me laugh then - as I realized all of these people are actually worth jack, so I should not get so upset. Don't know if this helps you at all - I hope it does. Whatever it is you are going through, just don't give the people who don't care for you too much credit or even mental space. People on this forum are there for us and some might even miss us...that s what counts after all.

In saying all this, I don't know. I m not scared of death at all, I am scared of the continuous struggle which is one step forward, 3 steps back. And people, well certainly not worth bothering for. All users - or at least the ones I attract. Whatever.

Jeenaleena wrote:

exquisitecorpse wrote: I wish I could just die ,
I think I'm over relationships. I can't deal with another one. They all just blow up in my face, I don't want to deal with the pain again. I can't add any more pain to my life.

Ditto on the lame guys. No support when you need them (sick or something bad happens to me), but they want you to mother them when they get a mosquito bite. I

Hey all, for what it's worth - I am in the same boat. Just spent the last two hours thinking how I would go about it and what the implications would be...this then kind of made me laugh cause it would go somewhere like this:

My boss would be furious: How could she do that, considering she did not meet her sales target this month AND is still on probation?!
My family: Well, they probably would not even know for a long time, as we are NC. Would be majorly inconvenienced, though that they have to take care of the funeral etc, would then all try to outshine each other in their narcissistic attempts to all look good in front of each other, then would end up all blaming each other, then making up and agreeing it is all my fault in the end anyway.
My friends: Not sure they would find out either, maybe would just miss my quotes on facebook but would be too busy in their ever so hectic diaries to drive across town.
My ex: He would be delighted for it would finally confirm to him that I was always deranged. He would ask my mum, though, where my money went, and if I left him any in my will. Then he d probably come and pi** on my grave for I haven't.

But all in all it would probably take a very long time for someone to even realize that I m gone. The first person would probably be my landlord, who d turn up once the rent stops getting paid in a few months.

Kind of made me laugh then - as I realized all of these people are actually worth jack, so I should not get so upset. Don't know if this helps you at all - I hope it does. Whatever it is you are going through, just don't give the people who don't care for you too much credit or even mental space. People on this forum are there for us and some might even miss us...that s what counts after all.

In saying all this, I don't know. I m not scared of death at all, I am scared of the continuous struggle which is one step forward, 3 steps back. And people, well certainly not worth bothering for. All users - or at least the ones I attract. Whatever.

Your post could have been written by me! For a moment when I was reading it I was thinking 'gosh when did I write this?' LOL

It's hard to give advice to a person feeling suicidal when you feel suicidal yourself so I'm struggling a tad with this, but please try and take some kind of comfort in knowing you are not alone, we know and understand what you are going through and I'm pretty sure each and every person on here are routing for you, I certainly am...

Keep strong honey xx