Am I Borderline?

Hi people... I know, that this is not an ideal way of getting an answer to such a question, but I don't know what else to do. I really need to know, if it is possible, that I have this disorder, and if I should strart some treatment. So here is my story.
Everything started when I was about 14, I wasn't very popular at school, didn't have much friends, I felt missunderstood and very lonely and I strated to cut myself. Not just because of depression, but also because of an anger and hate I sometimes felt and could't handle it. When my mom saw the scars on my arms, she took me to the psychiatric clynic. The doctor sad, it's just a puberty and I will grow up from that. I took some antidepresives and in a few weeks, I felt much better. I started to go to highschool and really tried to make new friends and better fit in the class. It worked for some time, I made new friends, went outside with them, I felt fine at school, but not for very long. My feelings of lonelines came back and I slowly started to fell into depressions again. I even had a time in my life, when I had eating problems. I didn't eat for days and than I aet everything, I just hated my body, and I wanted to loos some weight so for almost 2years I fought with bulimic periods. Everything started to be more massed up, when I was 16. My moods started to swing, it was a total rollercoaster of feeling hyperactive, nervoos and I even laugh on things without reason, than again sad mood or numbnes. Theese moods could swing even 10times in one day. In my worst times I used to drink alcohol and combinate it with some pain killing pills. I remember the day, when I was so depressed, that I wanted to kill myself, by takeing too many pills with alcohol, but I was just sick the whole day and night.
Life started to be much better for me, when I turned 17. My old friend from an elementary school helped me, showed me how to have a better time. I was at the parties all day, all night. My whole life turned into one big party, I met a lot new people and most of them are my best friends now. I started more to flirt with boys, but actualy I was scared of some intimicy,or relationship. When some guy wanted to see me next day I ussualy gave him wrong phone number, or didn't ever call him back. I started to drink more and more alcohol, experimented with some light drugs...But in that time I was just haveing fun and nothing more. I remember, that I fell in love with one total asshole. Everyone around me saw, how stupid this person is but I didn't see anything. When I realised he was just messing with me, it was another signal to fall into depressions. But it wasn't the same anymore. It was more anger and numbnes, I learned to kill with alcohol or ciggaretes, than sadnes. I learned to pretend, that I am fine, when I am with people, I learned to pretend that I am happy, but it's just killing me even more. It's not just about numbnes, or anger, or sadnes i feel. It's also a confusion of who i really am. Some sort of addiction with finding my true self. I felt very confused about me, about the person I am. Sometimes I think I am one kind of person, sometimes I even like me, sometimes I hate myself and want to die...
Now I am 19. I am at university, study journalism, but don't know if I will make the school, because I don't have the will power to do anything serius. When I was at highschool I was always sure about my abylities to write the correct answers and say the correct things without learning anything, but I am sure, that it won't be that easy at university. I just can't do one thing longer than a while, can't stay foucused on one thing for very long.
I have a bf, it is the firt time I decided to open myself for a real relationship, but I always doubt about my happines, about my love, sometimes feel great with him, and the other time I want to break up. I always daubt about everything, always overthink and oversensitivly judge everything.

You should probably speak to a professional / psychiatrist because it is their job to evalue, examine and diagnose you based upon your behaviours or symptoms listed. People here are unable to do that and can not pick up your behaviours through a post. It wise not to not diagnose somebody on a forum.

If you feel you need help or have borderline personality, or an anxiety disorder or mood disorder and your behaviours, moods, etc are getting in the way of everyday life including school/work, interpersonal relationships and interactions with other people then see a professional a.s.a.p. to have that managed or guide you back on track bit.

This forum is mainly just an attempt to support other people with borderline personality disorder or other disorders. I don't think anybody could give you a proper diagnosis. If you're unhappy with a certain psychiatrist or doctors opinion never feel shy to go and find another one until you are satisfied or happy with the outcome/ what plan works best for you.

Take it from me, i left help late and destroyed a lot with out of control episodes and moods. Best act now if you feel its becoming too much for you.

everyone is borderline it's the default diagnosis were i live
(like it used to be add/adhd)

Everyone is on the spectrum for everything. Bipolar, borderline, adhd, autism, narcissism, etc.

If everyone in your town is BPD it must be quite a place.

I guess it may depend on your distress management of bad coping skills and how you behave/destroy yourself with rejection or abandonment can be a good way to tell if someone may have BPD. But you really need to speak to professionals who can diagnose, monitor your behaviour, etc. None of us can do that.

madjoe wrote:everyone is borderline it's the default diagnosis were i live
(like it used to be add/adhd)

No, it isn't...

Endless_nameless, thefool gives excellent advice!

madjoe wrote:everyone is borderline it's the default diagnosis were i live
(like it used to be add/adhd)

Do you really think it is over diagnosed? I would have to say the opposite..it has been my experience that doctors try to steer away from that diagnosis because of the stigma. If it was overly used and it is a default disorder I would have gotten a diagnosis at like 18 not 30.


endless-nameless - i hope you can go and seek out help from a professional. It will definitely give you concrete answers that you are wondering about. It is always best to know what you are up against! I wish you luck.

Everything is overdiagnosed.