Confusing,hurtful behaviour

I'm having a hard time putting two and two together.

My ex who I suspect has a Bpd as he shows many of the signs and I roke up over two weeks ago because he crossed the boundaries (once again) hit me and then smashed my car windscreen.

I love him to bits but hated how he could never take blame for his actions and even when he did it was never genuine as soon after he would be saying something that completely contradicted his apology before.

I can't understand how the man can be jekyll and Hyde.He cut all his friends out his life long ago and was never very sociable yet ever since the break up he has turned into this calm friendly guy who only wants to help out.

I feel like I'm going crazy.Was this all me then?Did I bring out the crazy behaviour in him?

it just doesn't make sense.I can't seem to marry the bad behaviour with the good bahviour into one.Thus I get stuck on the persona I'm seeing now and feel like I've made a huge mistake!

Someone please explain it to me please!

If we were to assume that he has BPD, then the person/people who will see the symptoms more often are the ones he is closest to. Those would be the people who could likely trigger him the most and the people he'd probably associate as the cause of the bad feelings (despite them coming from within himself) and lash out against or resent/push away.

As far as assuming responsibility, that can get complicated to explain. At the core of BPD is a deep sense of shame. When many "Nons" feel shame, it's not to their core. We don't typically feel defined by but it's also isolated to a particular incident. Whereas someone suffering from BPD is likely to feel the shame not linked to a particular incident but rather to their very being; that they are a mistake, they are bad, they are a waste of skin and air, etc. Accepting responsibility for their actions is difficult for some, perhaps most, because doing so could validate a lot of the negatives they feel inside. It could be like admitting how horrible they are (in their minds) and why you wouldn't want to be with them and would never stay. How they can never do anything correctly, etc.

Having said that, and I do understand your need for explanations, the bottom line is this:

This person is being physically abusive and from your words, it's repetitive. Disorder or not, that behavior is unacceptable and illegal. For your own physical and mental well-being, you need to keep your distance and enforce strong boundaries which may need to include 'no contact'. If they have not expressed any desire or willingness to seek help for whatever does plague them, I'm afraid there is little you can do. Even if they have expressed it, it's up to them to get the help.

And no, you didn't "bring out the crazy behavior". That behavior is likely a maladaptive coping technique that can only be sorted out/changed with proper treatment.

No i cant explain it. But i used to be the same way before meds. He needs therapy and meds before it crosses to prison. Hes already permently effected you. Stay away till he gets help. I know his type, because i was. Unmedicated we arent safe to ourselves and others

He called me such disgusting and horrible names when I saw him last.

He claimed I was a psycho and that I 'had sold him' out.The worst was when he told me to go home and slit my wrists.I felt like someone had stabbed me.I kept hoping someone who wake me up.How can the person who claimed they would die for me ask me to go and slit my wrists?

I've spent the days following this analysing and going over it over and over again.Who is he?Who is the real him?Is he really this nasty,horrible man that purposely inflicts pain and then acts like it never happened?Did he ever really love me?

I don't get it.

i dont get it either. i never will. It something in our minds. i feel for you because you seem like my ex wife. She was saying the same things. . He seems to have alot of anger and hate inside, Why i dont know. But there is a reason. he cant control it yet
its not you, he would do it with someone else
Remember he is responsible for his actions. it can take years for someone to recognize that. i dont know how we have the abilites to destroy people and their lives and just think we did nothing wrong. it takes help. professional help. Something you cant do.
It took me over 10 years to become what i would call i nice person. But its still under ther hiding. Not tryng to scare you but violent behaviors are hard to work out.
. dont kill yourself trying to understand. it takes a saint to stick to it out with someone with violent behaviors. people like us cant get away from ourselves which makes it harder

I'm not a saint.I'm not perfect.

But I loved him and still love him with every fibre of my being.I am fighting everything inside me that is screaming to go to him,find him and fix it.

My ex is Borderline and was this same exact way. I am Borderline as well so just imagine how that relationship went! He is not able to change. It is not going to happen. You cannot fix him or the situation. This will keep happening. He will profess his undying love for you then turn around and tell you you are as important to him as the dirt underneath his feet then spit in your face. It is what it is. Without believing he has a problem or getting some help he will always be this way. Don't think you are crazy because that's how a lot of Borderlines make the people around them feel because of their contradicting behaviors. He will do this to every single woman after you. Believe me. I left my ex 2 years ago and had ZERO contact until I felt he had healed somewhat from the breakup and he ended up beating me in front of our child because I started dating someone else. I had to cut him off completely for a long time. I still do not trust him so I keep my personal life very private in order to not provoke him. I hope you find the answer you are looking for.