Ruined My Birthday and I'm Sure Everyone Thinks I'm Crazy

So Halloween was my birthday and my boyfriend came down to visit and my best friend as well as my roommate and a friend from work. Of course everything is going good having a really good time then i notice that brian and mel aren't in the living room.... so i go to my room and they're in there talking which totally threw me off the goddamn deep end. All i could think was they were trying to leave me put and didn't want to be around me because i wasn't invited into the room. So needless to say i started sulking around and treating everyone like crap because i felt like they were leaving me out of things on my birthday....(really healthy and fun for everyone...) so i treated everyone like crap, then they all left me at the house to go drop our work friend at home....i lost it..... so first they leave me out then leave me at my house alone on my birthday? I kicked and punched a wall called them like 50 times obsessively sorta barricaded the door then thought better of it.... then they came home and i guess everything was ok for a minute then i went and laid down my best friend came in to comfort me and i dont remember what i said but i guess i made her cry....
Who acts like this!!! I've never made such a public scene before and i feel terrible, but i dont know what to do...

Happy Birthday!!

Unfortunately, I don't have any great advice to add here, although you may want to consider dbt. I wanted to reply, because I can relate to parts of what you write, and I'm certain many others can as well. So, you're not alone.

kashmired wrote:Of course everything is going good having a really good time then i notice that brian and mel aren't in the living room.... so i go to my room and they're in there talking which totally threw me off the goddamn deep end. All i could think was they were trying to leave me put and didn't want to be around me because i wasn't invited into the room. So needless to say i started sulking around and treating everyone like crap because i felt like they were leaving me out of things on my birthday....(really healthy and fun for everyone...) so i treated everyone like crap, then they all left me at the house to go drop our work friend at home....i lost it..... so first they leave me out then leave me at my house alone on my birthday?

I kicked and punched a wall called them like 50 times obsessively sorta barricaded the door then thought better of it.... then they came home and i guess everything was ok for a minute then i went and laid down my best friend came in to comfort me and i dont remember what i said but i guess i made her cry...

This has happened to me before when my anger becomes so intense. I easily forget things that I've said... Also, things will sometimes seem like a dream..

Who acts like this!!!

Someone with borderline personality.

I am sorry to hear that you had to go through something like that especially on your birthday of all days. I totally understand how you feel when you feel like you are being left out. It is a huge thing for us BPDers. I don't think there is much you can do. It isn't like you can go back in time or erase their memory of it. All I think you can do is sit everyone down and explain your thought processes and what was going on for you at the time. Try to explain how you automatically thought you were being left out and how that makes you feel (even go far as to say how irrational you know this thought was). And apologize for you behaviour and actions. The best thing we can do when we make a mistake is own up to the mistake and move on from there. Lastly, learn from this situation. Process it. Figure out what your triggers were, how your body felt when you were getting triggered and what thoughts were going through your mind at the time. That way next time you are in a situation that would trigger you like this you can recognize the signs before it blows up. It might take a few times but being really in tuned with our emotions, triggers and bodies can save us from a whole lot of heart ache in the end. I hope this helps and that you can sort through all of this.

Take Care