Recently diagnosed and confused about initial response *tw*

Hi all,

I have been diagnosed with BPD and moderate high functioning autism by a psychotherapist after dealing with recent crisis. I am 40 years old and have been experiencing the criteria for BPD since early teens. My ability to cope has varied through my life but I haven't had anything more than counselling in the past. I've mostly kept my thoughts to myself and ruined relationships and friendships along the way...

The crisis team at the local mental health hospital have been dealing with me for the last month. I've been signed off work due to overwhelming panic attacks and anxiety. I have also had some trouble at home which has resulted in me needing to move out although my wife is being supportive she is under a lot of strain and is finding me impossible to be around for more than a day or 2. I am also dealing with the results of my anger and aggressive behaviour for which I won't go into right now but has caused me significant stress, shame and guilt. I am in quite a volatile emotional state, self harming and suicidal, very disparaged, despondent and demotivated.

As soon as I was diagnosed the crisis team have advised that I should return to a stable state of normality as a gradual process. I should go back to work initially just a few hours and try to use the coping strategies I have developed over the years. Then when I am "stable" I can start therapy, they are suggesting cognitive analytical therapy.

I am confused and concerned as I have expressed that I don't feel I have any coping strategies apart from separating myself from social environments and crying and beating myself up. They are saying that no therapist will see me in my current state and that a staged return to "normality" is therapy.

This has left me very confused as it all seems back to front. Can anyone with some experience comment on whether this seems sensible? I just feel like they're giving me the brush off.

Thanks

Hi, did you tell your crisis team you don't have any useful coping mechanisms at this time? I don't know if you discussed things thoroughly with them, but this would be a good step to take so they are aware of your state of being at the present moment. Hope you figure it out.

Hi Im-pure, thanks for the comment. No, I've not really explained it "thoroughly" to them. I called them today during a rough moment. I've been hiding a bit. They invited me in for an appointment so I can get a chance to talk it through.

I think I'm also going through the initial shock of the realisation that there's no quick fix and I'm going to have to battle with this for a while.

Hello,

This sounds completely absurd and I can not believe that these people are being so inconsiderate of you.

* Is there another mental hospital or therapist nearby that you could go to? Perhaps look online for therapists near you and contact one of them. The state you are in seems serious and you need to have a caring therapist behind you.

* National Suicide Hotline 24/7
1-800-273-8255

BPD is an extremely difficult illness to live with and I know that because I was diagnosed with it about a year and a half ago. I am here for you to talk with about that. You are not alone!

* Do you take medication for your anxiety and panic attacks? If not, I think that you should find a psychiatrist that can prescribe you medication for these, they help calm you down a lot. Just so you know, you can find a psychiatrist before a therapist so that you can begin meds, and they can help you find a suitable therapist for you.

* Coping Skills: I know that coping skills for me have been very difficult to use but some do really help me.
* Writing: Writing your thoughts out in a journal can really help clear your mind and calm you.
* Mindful Thinking: Sit down in a quiet place, that you feel safe in, and breathe. Take deep breaths, and only focus on those breaths, count them if that helps you. Let all of the thoughts that are in your head come and go. Often thoughts race and that causes anxiety, but they are just thoughts, they come, and they will also go.
* Watch your favorite Tv show.
* Drink some tea.
* Bake cookies and give them to your neighbors.

I think that you should talk to your wife and explain to her how difficult it is going through what you are going through. She needs to be supportive of you even though you may seem difficult to deal with at the time. Explain how she can help you to calm down and how she can keep you safe. Since you said you are suicidal and self harming, you should be around people so that you don't hurt yourself. Suicide is not the answer I promise you that. You can get through this.

Again, getting a therapist is what really needs to happen right now. Try to find one as soon as you can.

Stay Safe <3

never wrote:Hi Im-pure, thanks for the comment. No, I've not really explained it "thoroughly" to them. I called them today during a rough moment. I've been hiding a bit. They invited me in for an appointment so I can get a chance to talk it through.

I think I'm also going through the initial shock of the realisation that there's no quick fix and I'm going to have to battle with this for a while.

Completely understandable. I hope you manage to get to the appointment and discuss things...it may be hard at first but it gets easier. Therapy and coping tools are so so important. Good luck!

Thank you both for your comments and your time.

@foreverangel I am from the UK so things work differently over here. I've been referred by my doctor to the crisis team. There's usually a long waiting list for treatment and it's free on the NHS. I could look for a private therapist but they explicitly warned me against it. They say I am analytical and with my high emotions it might do me more harm to open everything up.

They have given me lorazepam for anxiety. I saw a psychologist last week who diagnosed the BPD. The therapy is to be provided by a different unit of the health care system which I would have to be referred for separately. It's not straight forward.

My wife is being very supportive and this is all very new for both of us. Unfortunately home life and the family has been tested to the max and I am unable to live at home at the moment. She agrees to me being around people and not isolating myself. I think this is part of the reason they think it would be good for me to be in work.

Anyone going through such a rough time and then told to return to work and normalcy as therapy would feel dismissed. No wonder you're asking. But until you're totally honest with them about everything that's going on and how you're feeling, they won't know how much crisis you're really in! If you find it difficult to open up, why not print out your original post and let them read it, or email it to them.

You say you're in a volatile emotional state, disparaged, despondent, and demotivated. Do you think you can return to work at all? If you cannot, will your crisis team sign you off for short-term disability? Do you have some sort of government income you can claim if you need short-term disability in the UK? If you must return to work, I'd say do very short hours, for sure. A couple of days a week. That's it. Just a little.

You're also stressed, suicidal, self-harming, behaving badly enough toward your wife to the point you have to move out...yet more reasons you could use a break to get some therapy and figure things out.

Best of luck to you keep your crisis team informed!

Thanks again for the comments. I attended the appointment yesterday and made more of concerted effort to communicate what's going on for me. I feel i got a lot more of it over and that they now have a better understanding, although I think they already guessed a lot of what was going on. They admitted that they didn't really handle it very well on Monday and apologized for that. One of the care workers said they had been trying to find something for me and suggested that I attended a personal management training course which would help me become more aware of myself and how to handle stressful situations which make me anxious. However unfortunately, the course doesn't start until January. They also have an anger management course for me to go on also starting in January. They were really avoiding making any promises for suggesting that at the end of the 2 courses if I still wanted therapy I could request it. I kept trying to say that I'd rather do the therapy and they weren't budging really. They did say that if I wasn't interested in doing CAT I could request something else, such as DBT. I suggested that it sounds like trying to get a degree in astrophysics and there were prerequisite lower qualifications I had to do first.

I feel a bit better for getting more out and they are going to check in on me more and ask the psychologist if there any other meds I can take for emotional extremes. We'll see...

I feel better for