There was a point in my life when suicide seemed like the best solution to my problems. I was wandering around looking for a method of self destruction. And I found it. Them. Many ways to self destruct. I can’t answer why. But every breathe I took was just excruciating, and I needed it all to end as soon as possible. And I tried. More than once. But I just couldn’t. Then, one day I woke up and I wasn’t happy, but I knew that I wanted to live. I figured that if through all my efforts, I’m still breathing then there must be a reason. I chose to live, and in that moment I knew that I could do anything I wanted with my life. Sure, I’m still dealing with some of the consequences of past mistakes. I made some big ones. I didn’t care about my future, because I didn’t intend to have one. I’m not sure I believe in God or what God I believe in, but I do believe in fate and destiny. And I do believe that for every life that ends too soon there are millions of things that just aren’t going to happen. Whole people who will never exist because you weren’t around to create them.
I see a lot of you guys and girls writing out into cyberspace, saying how alone you feel. How you just what to end it and get it over with. And I beg you not to. I have lost too many of my dear friends to suicide, and let me tell you as a person left behind, it hurts. I understand what you’re going through. I understand the pain and the isolation you feel. If you think you’re the only one going through what you are going through, you’re wrong. The fear, the anxiety, the depression? I feel that. Every. Single. Day. Some nights I can’t sleep I’m so miserable, or I’m in such a crazy manic state. Sometimes it’s wave after wave of panic attacks. A good 80% of the time I’m a nervous wreck. There are so many people out there who feel the way you do. Suffering is part of the human condition. But if we never feel pain, how can we heal into a better person?
I’ll be honest. Some days are still hard. Sometimes I feel like…everyone would be better off without me. I think it’ll always be there in the back of my mind. But as I become a stronger person, that voice gets further and further away. When people tell me I’m worthless, I shake them off. I say, screw you, I’m fabulous.
Suicide is not the answer.
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
Choose life