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wxns
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Nostalgia and depression
   Tue Apr 15, 2014 5:43 pm

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Nostalgia and depression

Permanent Linkby wxns on Tue Apr 15, 2014 5:43 pm

I'm feeling quite nostalgic right now over everything I have experienced in the past decade, especially with media. The problem is, I feel quite sad and empty whenever I experience my past again, because I feel that I've missed out on the time I feel nostalgia for by not taking it in wholly and forgetting it (granted, this was my childhood; I was aroound 14-15 before 2012, when I kinda fell into a depression after losing my files, and out of anger, decided to delete more files from my phone as well as what I've lost from my flash drive; I tend to collect images and HTML pages from the Internet for personal use) and the fact that the reality is very different, and as a result, I try to avoid coming into contact with everything from the past no matter how much I want it (or not). I also feel sad if I can't find things on the internet I used to enjoy (which may have been once there).

Sadly, I may have forgotten some of the things I used to enjoy.

I liked last decade, because the music sounded way more rich and colourful than this decade's music; I could say the same thing in terms of fashion and design trends. Somehow, I feel I can't claim the 2010s as my own; the only reason why I still appreciate it is because of its improving science (I have a love-hate relationship with Internet and technology, as video games are somewhat blander and are published by greedy companies, and the online gameplay experience isn't helping anyone; the Internet tends to change around and even close down websites; smartphones don't have many good games and can only boast good Internet access and improved usability) and I don't want to die a slow and painful death or induce paralysis if I try to shoot myself in the back of the head. I'm also scared that in the next life (if there comes another Big Bang, even though the Universe is set to end forever according to Wikipedia), I might be born as prey to another creature, an animal incapable of human traits and/or an animal with a short lifespan.

I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on this.

NOTE: I'm also putting this up on my blog so I can refer back to it again at some point.

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Feeling quite sad for the first couple of months this year.

Permanent Linkby wxns on Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:26 pm

Watched Frozen, and felt sad after for some reason (same thing happened to me after watching Epic), probably because the film was beautiful or it had sad parts in it; for some reason, I feel sad also for the fact that those who have died can't watch this. There was also a really sad fanfic I read online based on Frozen.

Also, one of my parents in particular has had to stop being stressed, and I've kinda been crying over this either to relieve stress, or I cry when people are simply just, well, caring to me, or I'm still craving affection; I still don't feel comfortable with them if my other parent dies.

I don't really do anything useful with my time when I don't study; I simply just go on the same websites every time, and I listen to the same music (I don't want to find anything else to listen to, because I don't want to experience sad and/or nostalgic feelings).

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Should I take up parkour?

Permanent Linkby wxns on Fri Jan 03, 2014 1:12 pm

Since playing Mirror's Edge, I became practically envious of the character. I also became envious of a character from an animated series for her martial arts skills, which motivated me to take up martial arts classes. I also took up music lessons (piano and guitar) for the same reason: envying people who are good at it. The problem is, with all those, I began to lose interest in them and became addicted to other counterproductive (but not harmful) stuff.

I'm also unsure whether I should take up parkour, because of that and my confidence in physical skills. For example, I find the whole thing daunting.

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On anger that won't let up for three days

Permanent Linkby wxns on Tue Dec 10, 2013 8:40 pm

Had trouble calming down on Sunday; angry about Abercrombie and Fitch on inspiring people to be those jock bullies, causing anorexia, breaching justice by arresting people who interrupt their business no matter how trivial, workplace discrimination and one of the reasons why this jock/emo divide exists. Also annoyed how they portrayed on a cartoon on TV a king who taxes his people for even breathing and standing even though this could have meant to be satire, along with the series' various depictions of dollar-sign-eyed characters.

Monday, annoyed on some homework I received, and I didn't ask for help on it because the teacher who set it treats me as if I have a mental illness or if I'm going to flip the bird on them;also remember them shouting at me for blocking a queue that was going to clear despite me being oblivious.

Tuesday, patronising member of staff who treats us as if we're all gonna fail and they're blatantly making it obvious on how they are annoyed by it through their tone of voice and body language. I also get the impression they want no responsibility in this. Annoyed by boys' arrogant and "douchey" behaviour, and for them wearing short hair (particularly those who have the behaviour and don't play sports or aren't involved in cadets for a living). Eventually found out that gender roles, homophobia, being snobby still exist in this part of Britain according to classmate, and that country fails at political correctness; anecdote on immigrant worker in toilets w/degree in something nuclear despite being "uneducated Pole".

I also had urges to hit something even though the most violent things I've done or witnessed were GTA V streams, memes and martial arts training. Been lazy most of time.

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