Im Building a network of people support for help, recovery, and communication for my dating development interests…( Support) a large network. Ill keep an extra book for it. And pray God gets me to the right people; Amen.
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The goals to start with.
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Find a group of people with my same values… Getting inline with that under God; that is the first task.
I know there is a tribe of people out there that respect me; I just know it. Because of their values; they are happy to see me and have me around; they value me; look up to me; respect me. They care if they don’t ever see me again. The value the time spent together with me. They miss me and think about me.
They want to see me when I get up in the morning because they love spending time with me.
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Ive spent my time chasing women who didn’t care if they ever saw me again; I meant nothing to them; And that simply does not make any sense; their must be something better out here God has set up for me.
I have to find decent people… That to start with is the number one goal… And Im creating a network of people I can call; and text if I need help or support or need to talk and advice and learn how to work things out; work through things. Amen.
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In order to attract a wife; I have to be husband material…
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Im in that process now!

GOALS:
I have several Goals and they are aligned with God.
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Wife; Family; Children; Marriage..
House
Car
Music room or studio/drum room; Drumming
Money;
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Activities;
The ability to have full functioning back to create in; Music; Art: Writing… And performing. The ability to learn guitar or play it as a main or secondary instrument…
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Mountain biking; Having this back and up to speed.
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Occupation
Vacation
Education
Hobbies
Callings
Purposes…
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Where am I at in all of these goals.
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First; Many of the ACTIVITY goals are completed that needed restoration; In fact; I have nothing I need to report right now concerning Activities; Im function well in all areas right now under Gods care concerning Activities.
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Relationships;
What has been accomplished….
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1. General friends; Guy friends; Yes; Im back; its not perfect but almost together; well on my way…
2. Im also able to be resourceful and meet new friends and make new friends; it takes work but Im much more able; or spontaneous with new people.
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Im working on the next segment of my goals right now; Relationships. Im working on finding a wife; when I find her she will be my interest then my friend and girlfriend and go from there. So.
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Question; What am I looking for right now to accomplish; what is my goal; GIRLFRIEND… Romantic Girlfriend… complete. That is my number one goal right now. Anything less in this category; and it wont do… it has to be complete…. That is my goal and number one goal right now. Im now in the age or time of having and finding that girlfriend…
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What I want in a women; 2025
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History; Ive attracted beautiful women all my life; since age 19. These are women in looks between 8-10. Ive had 10’s before. Its been this way all my life. Im an old man now.
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Its done no good to be one of these guys who attracts these women. All I ever wanted was a girlfriend that liked me or missed me or choose’d me; they liked me for who I am and what I meant to them.
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Meaning; I meant something to them; They wanted to see me when they got up in the morning; because I meant something to them; or; they would miss me in their heart and soul.
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I wanted a womens heart. Its never happened; Unfortunately; Ive had everything else; every mans fantasy; 10000000 times…
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Guys like me attracted everyone everywhere I went. Id did me no good; It just freaked me out.
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The problem is; I could have anyone every man dreams of or is attracted to; But no one that actually sincerely liked me; someone whom I one their heart and they naturally wanted to hang out with me because we are best friends to go with it.
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As an old man; It dies; the physical attraction from women; Its still here but nothing like when I was a younger man… And thats OK.
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1. Ive had 10000000 girls like me; All the most beautiful girls of any community; but no one that liked me as a person; no one. SO; I could sleep with these girls anytime I want or marry them; but after awhile; why bother; their behavior is so atrocious; whats the point… They are literally relational Pathological.. They violate basic boundaries that let me know someone is safe or dangerous. They are spoiled and think they are above the normal rules of interaction when it comes to courting someone or dating or romance.. And very quickly I have no value for them.. They are weirdos in my opinion; and literally act retarded out of line. They are bossy idiots who think they are above moral societal laws. They want to be the center of attention.
Ive had a few psychopaths that look like the old style miss Universe; When the requirements was looks for them to win. They seemed sincere; but; what is the point. Why would I want to go out with a psychopath for; for what!
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In a real sense; Ive had no one; Ive never had a girlfriend; not in the traditional sense because I never went ou...

[ Continued ]

I have to start over in 2025.
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Ive started over with hidden kindness in 2025. Im learning how to go out into society and secretly do kind things for others without them knowing it. I really like it. And I want to do more of it. I start out with simple things. I draw a smiling face in the dirt on a trail; I take a rock and put it on the side of the road and have it represent a friend I pray for. I pick a flower and put it on a grave… and pray..
I secretly sweep a small part of a sidewalk no one would know about; cleaning it off for the one who lives there… No one would even notice; But I know; its an act of kindness. Maybe I take an apple plucked from a tree; and put it down next to a bush on a corner of a street with the idea that a poor person might come by and eat it if they were hungry. And by doing so; I show caring love and respect to God and what God created. Im acting as an Angel for God on earth.
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These are examples of what its like to start out simple and at the beginning of learning how to be kind to the earth.
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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How do I start out practicing relationships coming into 2025. Where do I start. Im just practicing bringing myself from the past into 2025; where would I start from. Its all about grief. What would I be doing. Where would I start.
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What simple starting things can I do… to build a presence one movement at a time; one simple thing; simple movement; gesture; silent practicing gesture at a time in 2025.
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Ive been shyly; simply purposefully saying hello to people at specific and random times in 2025. However; This is even 2 much for me as a starting point for bringing the beginning elements of relationships into 2025.
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How do I start out. Maybe do small things for women; Kind things; I mean; really basic things; just simply kind gestures. Something like that in the vain of direction of women in 2025; something that breaks the ice; just the most simplest of things in 2025; Or even simpler; much simpler things in the vain of direction of relationships; things not associated with people. Maybe with animals and plants or imaginary things. Ill talk to God about it. I may have to start with child level things from my childhood and rework my childhood.. one small gesture at a time; slowly facing the losses and horror of that time period where I was melted down and destroyed and lost all… God help me… God is helping me…
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God help me! I can see it; starting out in my childhood… Ill do childhood stuff; OK; Ill have to talk to God; I have no idea; its been a long long while since I was a child.
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OK; Ill start at young young young childhood. And work with God on the most simple things to get started with; simple interactions; maybe with plants or bugs or blades of grass; or water; just simple starting points of connection and more. Sound; hitting on things making sounds. I don’t know yet. God will help me and let me know; Amen. Its a starting place; an idea. I get it; the starting out before I start out on a thing; the pre development of a development years. Developing the basic abilities that would go into the overall processes for developing development.
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Ill just start out with on simple unassuming gesture at a time. I guess; I talk to God about it; Amen.
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SO; I talked about all of this at meetings..
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I am slowly getting better socially; its just starting; Im slowly bringing in the sunlight of the spirit of God through me and my nervous system that is dissociated from reality.
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The goal is to have the sunlight of God get so developed and strong that it takes over as my identity and how and what I think about; so; all thoughts are pushed or molded into the stream of light of Gods pathways.. Energy rivers and quantum fields.
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The goal is to set forth on desires and goals within my vortex; That I see them recognize them; and match their frequencies in the real world… I do this many w...

[ Continued ]

The next goal is; Dating
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Go out into the world and do kind things to others without telling them; Or Do good things for other people…
Do good for others and feel good. And or; do things I love doing that make me feel good; Then
Go home; Get on my knees immediately; with head down; Pray to God for the desire to manifest with enthusiasm for a soulmate. Im not to suggest who what where when why; Im only suppose to get on my knees with enthusiasm and believe as I prayed for meeting a soulmate… Believing God would hear me and help me with enthusiasm. And then after a certain amount of time praying to God and believing; Get up and go about other areas of life with confidence and enthusiasm. Its about real love and belief for God.
Is about believing God will help me… and take care of me…
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I am not to imagine when praying; I am to only send my feeling of hopefulness of my desire when on my knees to God and to think about God.. or pray to God like a child pleading to their father for a new bicycle. How could a Father say no….
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I have no control…..
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Problems Im finding with meeting new people; I have no control. As a man; I have no confidence with women; no power; nothing! I have nothing because they have the choice how far something can go… They say yes or no to the next step of meeting up somewhere for coffee or a walk in the park or for a bike ride or… That first date.. or what ever.
So; Its hard; whether Im getting somewhere…
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So; I have to pray first and just take a chance with her and see what she says if I ask her out…
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If she says no! Or I get ghosted; and that is that. So; all of this is very hard. But it is what it is…
And I have to learn raw strength and make it through it until I end up with people who are serious about a relationship with me…
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Ive never been in any kind of relationship with anyone… Nothing I want to talk about.
So; this would be my first authentic girlfriend… where its done right. Where it starts out with God and innocent desire for a concept; like soulmate/girlfriend/wife… Family… And so on…
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Praying to God on my knees…
I learn to take the concept to God; First I pray and us meditation to align with God… Alignment is the most important of things. Go do things that make me feel good and wait… See who shows up; and Im praying all day long like this; and more meditation during the day… and more praying on my knees and waiting.. I wait on God and go do things I like to do and wait and watch and look around.. and see who shows up at times….
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God has full control; full power; I have nothing but prayer to God…
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And their it is.
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And this is where Im going.
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