Had to take my mother's gun away from her. She wanted to use it on herself. Talked her into calming down, and going to sleep for the night. I was angry at first but now I'm not feeling anything. Hope I can keep it this way.

I drew a picture of a shadow person I saw.

That's just one of them. I see others too but they all look slightly different.

They are very intriguing.

Does anyone know about the psychology of drawing? I was wondering what it meant if someones drew/doodled question marks, spirals/spiderwebs, and unsure faces, a lot (like these :/)

I've read a bit on the psychology of drawing online but can't find those things.

Therapy is hard.

My family owns a some property next to a creek that functions as a family park. It’s where we host our annual family reunion every year and where we all like to spend time on weekends or whenever we’re able to. When I was still dating my ex, who I’m now going to call my boyfriendish partner (credit to someone here for coining that term), he and I would spend a lot of time there while were together. Now that we’re practically dating platonically, the subject has recently come up if I would be bringing him around my family park again.

I would love to do so. I still enjoy his company very much and having him there with me would make me very happy. My family have always liked him too, I’m sure plenty of them will be happy to see him again. They might turn their heads at us not being together romantically, but I’m not concerned about that. We’re all very liberal and open-minded, no one judges anything lightly. At worst, they might joke about us, but nothing mean-spirited. He’s a bit concerned about what they think, but I think he’s forgotten what my family is like. He has nothing to worry about.

That’s one thing for this Summer out of the way, but there’s something else… This will be the first Summer at my family park since my dad had died. Since his passing, I’ve had all these memories resurfacing of when he would molest me and as I have talked about in previous entries, there were times where he would do so out in the open and many of those times took place at my family park. I may find myself getting triggered by flashbacks of when he would molest me there. I suppose that’s just something I’ll have to prepare myself for and be ready to deal with should it happen. It could very well be inevitable that it does.

No matter what though, I don’t intend to let anything ruin the time spent at my family park this summer. That goes double for the time I’m cherishing with my boyfriendish man. I’ve made it this far and even if my past trauma gets to me, I’m confident I can manage. I have plenty of positive memories with my partner there too. Maybe I’ll focus on those instead, as I’m creating new memories with him.

this last 5 days has not been so good. up down up down so enying. i might wake fine on a 5 the go up to a 7 then around lunch come down to a 3 then after dinner go back up to a 6 or 7 then bed time comes cant sleep. blah blah blah same shhitt every week or few weeks or hours or days its just so exusting and draining just to go to work every day . having to deal with normal life and the all the cyclothymia crap as well can be just to hard some times but at the end of the day u still have to make money pay those bills cook that dinner do that washing that dosnt do its self. grrrrrr. being a child is so much easier no stress or worry like the reall world blah blah blah.