I have been addicted to the slot machines for about 5 years now. This is my story. I remember the first time I went in to the local indian casino, I was by myself and had the urge to check it out. I went in with 20 dollars and walked out with 300! that was the start of my addiction. I thought that I had the lucky hand. Since then, I have gambled away thousands and thousands of dollars. Of course I would win and then stick it all back in. I would drive home cursing myself and saying that I would never do it again. My husband has been the most loving and forgiving person I know. But after this forth time of promising him that I would never do this again, I actually mean it this time. I am so tired of the stress that I create in this ugly and selfish lifestyle. There is absolutely no happiness to be found in gambling. I used to blame it on things that happened in our family, losing loved ones and using the casino as a soothing crutch. I used to say that it was the only thing that made me happy. But now I realize that it is a life sucking addiction that can bleed your sole of any chance of happiness. I have always asked why me? But now I need to ask, who is in control. I need to be strong. I need to make things right with myself and my loved ones. I have borrowed, stolen, lied and begged to continue this lifestyle. But no more. Thank you for listening and thank you for all your stories, it really hit home.

A few months ago my Mum somehow dropped into a conversation that I was nearly taken to a child psychiatrist when I was younger. I didn't think (or dare) to ask exactly when and why. There could have been a whole number of reasons. I think I had problems even back then.

Now I'm curious but I'm not sure how to approach the issue. I'm also quite concerned what I might find out. Don't know what to do.

With hindsight, my parents should have taken me to the psychologist if they were worried. It would have been easier then then it is now. What stopped them? Knowing my parents they probably (a) thought I'd grow out of whatever it was (b) couldn't bring themselves to admit there was anything wrong with me.

Do they know something about me that I don't know? Or is it just something I already know that doesn't need raking up.

A photon is a twin spinning vortex more photons effect the local space time ripples some bands are more heavier. The electrons which are smaller single vortex's excite the state of the atom and bounce around these bands from interactions amidst these bands.
this excitation causes the atom to behave more like a probability wave than being anywhere particular.
This activity causes heavy spacetime distribution which causes creasing in space time aligning more than one particle this ceasing aligning allows the 2 excited particles to entangle.
The level of entanglement in a solid is quite high so it's quite stable at room temperature.
If you were to convey data fast across entangled states changing the atom's spin one side is not the optimal approach.
So you send a focused photon down through a possibility of 2 holes it excites an escape route both sides this effect causes the light to exit one hole but behaving like a wave with 1 hole this doesn't happen. So it's not that the particle travels through both holes it's that it waves around 2 optimal routes and interferes with it self due to the creasing caused but it does only go through one of the hole. So it's like you have to lower entanglement zones being both slits and the photon cracks a path down both causing the interference wave.

So, many things are changing for me! And they are rough, and Im alone in my pioneering ways! But Im not! Im headed toward my dreams! However, no parents needed this time! Im learning to out grow them and their lies! Who ever they were! And the lies of the times and even the other around me at the time!

Psychopaths; As I get better I see the truth! Its as horrible as possible a nightmare can be! So incredible! But Im not alone! Its just; you never would think such things as a child! But I suppose it had to happen to someone! It happened to me! I was not prepared for it!

The psychopath does not have children! They do not care about such human experiences! They do not love; so they do not love the offspring of Adam! God does not exist in such creatures; the psychopaths! They are predators like alligators at the inner waters edge of a pond some three feet off into the deep! You can only see their eyes peering at you! If you get to close to the edge, they will leap from the water onto you and twirl you in with one bite; into your death to the bottom of the pond you go! And round n round n round until you drown! They eat you I guess! Im not sure of they're eating practices! Maybe I Google it; yes?!

The psychopaths has no interest in children! If they plan to have children; it is for the full exploitation of those young innocent humanoids! And this is what happened to me! I was groomed, manipulated, exploited, used, destroyed, thrown away! In that order! I never knew what happened or what was happening! I only knew I was slowly dying from neglect at the age of about 6 or 7 onward! And at a certain age, the psychopaths begins to make excuses for them to excuse themselves from your lives! The psychopath will leave when they feel you're getting to old! They know you will grow enough to see what they are; At that point, they will start blaming the world around them and you for their necessary departure of your family! Meaning, they will abandon the family system and go look for new pray or a new situation to take advantage of! Once they leave, they are gone! Meaning, they have forgotten about you! They might come back; only for their own needs; nothing of yours! And they will manipulate you at every turn! If you stay away from them; they will never come back! They feel nothing! They are predators; much like a giant lizard who spends their day feeding on pray!

The point; The Psychopath has pre planned what they are going to do to you; at what age and time period! And why and how they are going to exploit you! They have it planned out how they are going to play you and use you long before you are born! Once done, they will escape or throw you away!

Its all a pre designed charade for their entertainment! They want to get off! Its pure excitement; much like an arsonist gets of on starting a fire in a building and watching the fire trucks appear and put it out; they care nothing for who is in side or who gets killed in the fire! And they will do it again! And again, and again!

The point of all this; I had nothing! Meaning, my life; all its events were pre thought out and determined and undermined by psychopaths that predetermined their goals, long before I was born! I was simply free bait because the state or society has no way of keeping psychopaths from having children they can use or exploit!

Everything of my early life, plans dreams, childhood; all destroyed!

So, I was nothing! Actually, I am everything! And Im lucky to be alive!

The point is; its horrible, but it's freeing and it makes sense! And with this, its much easier to let go of all memories! Keep nothing of the past! All of it is a stupid lie! Nothing worth keeping! And thats just fine with me! I will let it all resolve and I will start over with my own dreams and my new life and memories!

I had brothers! But they were never real brothers! Who ever they...

[ Continued ]

Hi
I just joined today, I needed to find somewhere that was safe but I could feel like I was letting out what turns over and over my head all the time.

My ex, father of my two children, well I have known him for eleven years, my oldest is 10, I believe he thinks that when anything is tough for him etc that I am the one he takes it out on. He has not met his youngest child and he has not seen his oldest since he was 4, he couldn't care less. October last year he found out where I lived and came back, I don't think I love him, but still had a connection, it is hard to explain but I guess it is because I have children to him. He is physically, mentally and sexually abusive. I have repeatedly told him I do not want a relationship again and I don't think he likes that answer. I have been sexually assaulted many times in the last few months, to the extent of needing surgery once. I did have a forensic done, but have put that on hold. People don't seem to understand how hard it is for me to get my head around all of this. And how scared I am to do anything about it. I now have a panic alarm and security locks in my home from women's refuge, so I am grateful for that.

I don't know who I am anymore, my kids deserve more than what I am giving them at the moment (solo parent), I hate what this has done to me. I don't think I am mentally coping, I hate myself, I constantly feel guilty for letting it continually happen, I feel that everything he tells me is the truth and I don't know what to believe about myself anymore. When someone is assaulted, I see that it wouldn't be continuous like it has been for me, I don't know what to call it anymore? I don't even know if it is assault anymore. Each time he has caught me, I have always said no, always fought, always tried to reason with him. If I fight I get injured quite badly, I don't want to wake the kids, got to the point where I go into my own little world and pray for it to end. So I constantly battle with am I consenting? This is my fault? Why am I letting it happen? Who am I?

I'm not sure where to go from here, I cant sleep, I have eating issues (like to be in control), I have a history of mental health so am trying so desperately hard to 'act ok'. I feel like I am putting on a front everywhere I go, my family don't know (strained relationship and many issues within the family that they are focused on) so I am on my own with my two precious children, I think I can only hold on for so long, the assault clinic in my area are very helpful, but with this time of year and limited counsellors I am having no luck at finding a therapist.