When you draw a circle in cartesian coordinates you can make the radius drift in many simple ways. using the curves produced by this method you can draw a basic curved 3D topologically deduced models of say a humans then add 2.5D surface modeling for finer curvature. This method would be more simple and easier to deduce in 3D than using NURBS also all of the rendering process could easily be sped up with acceleration cards. My point of changing the foundation of how 3D graphics are rendered and modeled is that transformations and such get a lot harder to look better when you up triangle detail because you need so much more power where as if your transforming curved systems you could have more processing range with regards to detail whilst keeping the compute demands down.

Im a 12 year old who does Art…
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This is newest identity. This is the most modern identity of myself as new person…
Im now checking levels and defining myself concerning a thorough investigation of self; Where Im at right now.
Im a new creation under God; I Am ( Emotionly Maturity) A 12 years old in development and a Daily Artist. My Art ability is solid through out the day. Its present as I am present so far; The new me concerning Art; No problems! This means I can apply myself to Art, day or night, everyday from now on. I don’t have the phobias or blocks associated with Art as I have before. Does this mean Ill not have problems in the future… I do not know; but I wont have walls and phobias blocking me as before….
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So;
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Ive developed and or put a name to the first Personality description of where Im at in my new life new person; Age 12; Artist.. Solidly of great value as a human being. And their it is… .
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So; I have to do the work to continue;
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The goals are
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W
H
C
M
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For my new self;
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Wife; its starts with friends and then once that is developed; I toward girlfriends…. Meaning relationships romantically; This will be a while.
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Im starting to show signs of making friends with others the way Im suggesting before a make a girlfriend.
Im fairly solid at this time in this beginning of development for learning about friendships… Enough to call myself a solid beginner… I would say; Maybe more problems; but I would call myself a solid average beginner… Im doing Ok; Maybe well; concerning my goals; maybe not the standards of society would expect; but solidly beginning.
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Ill keep working at this… In some ways; some parts of this friendship; Ive hit the wall and must grow beyond the limits of myself. I am at that point… In this area of development for girlfriends; Im not there yet; But Im right there; but have a No-Mans land in between I have to go through first; once coming out of this No_mans Land; I hit the earth; the outskirts of society again concerning it… That will be in the long run; It will be a while. Once that happens; thats the beginning. Once back in society again; a continuation of friendship development under God; and from there at some point; The level of frequency of girlfriends begins to appear on the horizon; Meaning, I would be heading into an all new level; at the beginning. But Im not there yet; and that level may take a few years to develop and actually get to a point of meeting women of the requirement of girlfriends. And even this would not suggest that I am meeting anyone; it only suggests Im down Gods pathway to that level of the beginning of this plateau; this starting point of new Plateau. This plateau may take several years to develop; I don’t know. Im at the place of 12 year old in emotinal development; and that is authentic and well earned; who creates Art work.
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Now; I have to work with God to go beyond this…
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Its as if the philosophy is over with; Ive made it to age 12 authentically and what I identify with is; Art! And thats who I am and all I am. Thats all I am for now; IF You meet me; thats all you get; nothing more.
I am valuable and I value myself; Im a high valued person and this is who I am… My maturity development and my interest or calling or identifiable; My amurity earened is 12 years old. And Art…
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So.. Their I am. I know who I am…
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What Now.
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When I was young; actually at 12 years old and thrown away from my parents; living with others; unfortunately; monsters….
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I took off one day to the bike shop and asked them for a job; I didn’t know what else to do; I wiped down the bicycles. I didn’t know what eles to do; I had no father; nobody; Nothing. I was thrown away.
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So; I tried… But what is important; I went out into the real world… and tried something.
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And Im doing that now.
Ive had support to get to this point again; The 12 y...

[ Continued ]

On the face of things, modern life looks as though it should be a lot more enjoyable than life in times past.

We can communicate with someone on the other side of the planet at the touch of a button. Technology is constantly making everything easier and more convenient. Year on year, so many aspects of our lives become more and more effortless.

We're healthier than we've ever been. We live longer. We have very little risk of death or injury in our day to day lives. Illnesses that would have been life threatening not so long ago, are now easily cured.

In my last blog post, I mentioned a family who lived in a derelict church in the late 1800s to the early 1900s. They were poor people, living largely off the land. They made their own clothes. What they ate was what the father had grown, hunted or gathered himself. They had no electricity, no mains water, and the majority of their possessions were home made.

It wasn't so long ago, and it wasn't so far away from where I am now, but it was a very different world for them.

What would they think if I could bring them here, to see how people live a century later?

They'd probably find it strange to see how isolated people have become, and how the importance of family has deteriorated. They'd be astonished to see close relatives communicating through handheld devices more often than face to face. They'd no doubt be impressed at the advances that have become part of our everyday lives, but I suspect they'd also find it sad at the skills we've lost that were once commonplace, before everything became so convenient.

They'd note that we strive for very little, make almost nothing ourselves, and probably wonder how we can appreciate certain things when they have become so easily attainable that we've lost all concept of making any effort for them.

When I grab some bacon out of the fridge and stick it in the frying pan, do I appreciate it as much as they appreciated their equivalent? Of course I don't, because like everyone else today, I'm so used to convenience, I take things like that for granted. There's no effort involved, no striving, and the 'reward factor' is not there.

I believe that a family like them were happier than the majority of people today. Their days were much harder, more folk died early, but all the little things in life were so much more rewarding. There might have been more strife, but I'm convinced that was outweighed by the fact that there was more happiness too.

We've made our lives longer, with less risks, and everything available at our fingertips, but we've spoiled ourselves. We've taken the magic out of everything. Nothing requires striving for. Nothing is special. Nothing is rewarding.

I know people with lots of money, big houses, flashy cars, high tech stuff all around their homes... but who are not happy, and it drives them nuts that they are not happy. They can't understand why they're not happy, even with all their money and what it buys.

I'm being 100% serious when I say that that poor family who lived in that derelict church were probably 'richer' than the majority of wealthy folks who live in the area nowadays.

I've been posting on the board for quite some time and been a mod here for a few months. In the time I became a mod, my role here began to change, as it should do.

Every time I log in, I never quite know what to expect. I might have to sort out a conflict on a thread, move a topic, reply to someone who is hurting, encourage someone by PM or share some of my experiences in a way that can encourage people. As I gained more experience I began to mod other boards apart from HPD and learnt more about the different types of issues that people have. Some of the people kind of stuck with me and I would find myself wondering how they were when I logged off. I felt as if I knew others, how they'd react to certain things, and the best way to reply and respond to them. I also got to know the other mods and gained a real sense of what they are like as people. All the time, though, I felt as if I was playing out a role. Since my last thread about the parrots and removing masks, I've become very aware of some of the roles I play in life, and my moderator role was just another one.

Maybe the reason for this was because the people in the forum still didn't seem to be 100% real. They were all anonymous, with no faces, with the words that they had typed being the only thing to represent them. In a way I felt a bit removed, and as if I couldn't be 100% myself on here whilst posting. I felt like just another anonymous board member too.

I began to get to know the rest of the team, and in particular Cracked. She and I are the only mods on here who live in the UK and so we began to spend some time talking over the phone. Eventually we decided to meet up and she came to stay with me last week for a few days, and I showed her the sights of my home city. Well, we got on like a house on fire, and felt as if we'd known each other for ever. We spent time laughing, visiting the local sights, getting tipsy and hanging out like a couple of students, eating junk food, drinking a whole bottle of ouzo between us and putting the world to rights. Cracked had the brilliant idea that we should both get our eyebrows pierced, and I now have a double stud in my eyebrow. This will always remind me of the good time that we had.

The pleasant time we had, and the new friendship we forged, made me realise that every member on here who posts is a very real person, with hopes and dreams, life experience, memories, thoughts, feelings and opinions. No one here is a blank face behind a screen. Everyone on here matters, and whilst we may not always agree with each other, we're all valid and important. Something in me has now changed. My attitude to modding has also changed. My attitude to myself and the other members on here has changed. I want to lose the role of being Masq the Mod, and be a mod on here who is real, and who recognises the uniqueness of every single one of you. There is a saying that strangers are friends you have never met, and it's true. Maybe one day, I'll meet other people from here. I hope so, it would be awesome. I now feel as if another self imposed role or mask I've built up has slipped, and I hope to bring more of myself into the board, with more warmth, more reality, and be more human.

Here's to People, Ouzo and Eyebrow Piercings, (not forgetting parrots)

Okay. So Firstly I'd like to say I'm 22. And I'm bisexual always have felt comfortable with being bisexual. Okay so let me start off by saying. Ive been fine and never thought of kids in this kind of way ever until the last 5 days! Well let me explain..... I was just fine I felt normal. Before all this I was normal. I love fashion and life and carnivals etc. Normal attraction to women and men MY AGE. I was a normal person I felt completely normal. Okay so. My older cousin is a child molester and he is watched by the state now that hes older they have to follow him everywhere he goes. He lives in some kind of group home or something where they watch him. Okay so... This is so hard for me to post and talk about as I'm shaking and my hearts beating fast and I feel like I'm gonna puke. Anyways my uncles house is where my cousin which is his sister lives with her daughter. At the time of this memory she was like 3. And this was like a few years ago. So anyways knowing my cousin visits his dad (with the watch of the state as a person watched him while he visits) I went to my uncles house with my mom and my little cousin was running around in her underwear, The first thought that came to my head was "why is she running around in her underwear knowing that (my molester cousin) visits here... (Ive been molested by him once when i was little he felt me down there over my clothes) anyways I seen her sitting on the floor and I was thinking to myself "What if I'm like my molester cousin?" Then I know this is gonna sound gross. But I looked at my little cousins but just to see if I would get turned on and I got no arousal. But at the same time something in my head said "oh you think thats attractive" and knowing the real me I was like NO WAY. That is gross that that thought would even cross my mind. ((IS THIS AN INTRUSIVE THOUGHT DO YOU GUYS THINK?) So I brushed it off and never had a thought like that again. Ive been around all my little cousins in their bathing suits and stuff and never thought of them as sexy or got aroused or anything like that. I honestly can't remember that day exactly what I was thinking I didn't know if I actually thought that was "sexy" or if it was just a thought of "do i think thats sexy" But I seriously never had any feelings attractions are thoughts like that ever and never even thought of that day until like 5 days ago a few years later. I was getting dessed and the thought just popped up in my mind. I obsessed over it for 3 days. (mind you guys uve always had ocd I even had a ocd about death and dying when i was younger) So anyways I couldn't figure out in my mind if I was really aroused by that or not it was grossing me out SO BAD I KEPT THROWING UP AND I CAN'T EAT AND I CAN BARELY SLEEP. So I went to a therapist, (even thought im poor with no insurance at the moment I scraped up change to go)

Let me remind you guys. This was just a thought of did I think she was sexy?
I have and had no thoughts of actually doing anything to a child.
No arousal and No horniness and No groinal responses.
I have no desire to have sex with a kid. No desire to touch a kid. AT ALL.

Okay So I talked to the therapist and she made me even more stressed out because she was pushing her beliefs on me ( as I feel comfortable with being bisexual and stuff) She told me that was intrusive thoughts too.... Intrusive thoughts are things that dont feel right. And pretty much was reading bible verses and stuff to me which I didnt understand. I didnt feel comfortable around her and I will not be going back to her I'm actually afraid to ever go to one again even if I do get money. She did not help at all. Made me feel worse actually.

So anyways. I'm feeling like I might be getting my thoughts mixed up with my feelings. I kept asking myself do you really feel anything and stuff I kept asking myself over and over I couldnt distinguise if it was real feelings of attraction or just a thought?

So I told...

[ Continued ]