I had another dream the other night, but i hardly remember. But it was strange, and i wish i knew if it actually meant anything. But there were other alters there, of mine, and mostly i remember one, i believe it was a young girl, and she spoke to me. I forget what she said though. Doesn't mean i have more alters that are just undiscovered, but thought it was interesting otherwise.

Also, Duke was triggered, by his own pride/vanity, to speak to a friend of mine. She also had some touches of experience with DID, which is interesting. Duke was mostly checking her out, and he approved, to a point. There was intensity flowing through him as he was out, i could feel it. And my/our hands were freezing cold throughout and after the experience. But i think he rather enjoyed the talking at least. He's been wanting someone to speak too. He almost was able to come out again during a conversation earlier, but i'm not sure he'd have come out if he was able. Either way, she left before the chance appeared, and i think he was upset at it. Either way, it's nice that the both of us can be comfortable to speak with this person.

Also lately i've been tempted to tell my other friend (whom i see in real life) about us. I'm terribly nervous though. She would understand, maybe not totally what DID is and such, but be accepting more so at least. I guess i'm looking for the right time. Still, just the thought of telling makes me tremble.

Wow, nice blog title. Ridiculous. Anyways, was listening to some great songs that I thought Rex might like, haha. From my perspective. Pretty neat actually.

First is 'Sweating Bullets' by Megadeth


"Sweating Bullets"


Hello me... Meet the real me
And my misfit way of life
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession
Hindsight is always 20-20
But looking back it's still a bit fuzzy
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...Tell it to Reader's Digest!

{Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me, and
My air is getting thin
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm chomping at the bit and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets}

Hello me...It's me again
You can subdue, but never tame me
It gives me a migraine headache
Thinking down to your level
Yea, just keep on thinking it's my fault
And stay an inch or two outta kicking distance
Mankind has got to know
His limitations

{Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm sharpening the axe, and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets}


Well, me...It's nice talking to myself
A credit to dementia
Some day you too will know my pain
And smile it's black tooth grin
If the war inside my head
Won't take a day off I'll be dead
My icy fingers claw your back
Here I come again!

{Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me, and
And my air is getting thin
Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been}

Once you committed me
Now you've acquitted me
Claiming validity
For your stupidity
I'm chomping at the bit
I'm sharpening the axe
Here I come again, whoa!
Sweating bullets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBCrmKbmdsE

The parts in these "{ }" symbols represent Rex's POV.

Here's another song, 'Sad But True' by Metallica

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They
They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They
They'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

Sad but true

You
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

Sad but true

I'm your dream
I'm your eyes
I'm your pain

I'm your dream
I'm your eyes
I'm your pain

You know it's sad but true

Hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
Hey
I'm your life
And I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

Sad but true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8BRbM52gpc

I like this one a lot, so much of it is so true and Rex knows it. This one makes him kind of nervous.

'Pain and Pleasure' by Judas Priest

I wanna tell ya, hey I think you oughta know
The way you're treating me, I feel I'll have ta go
I've heard the rumours and it seems they're comin' true
You do what suits ya, but then that's nothin' new

Do what you wanna do
Oh what you put me through
How I suffer for your love
Say what you wanna say
You know that you're gonna pay
For all the times that I've cried

You give me pain, but you bring me pleasure
Get out of my life
You bring me pain, but you give me pleasure
Don't know what...

[ Continued ]

I'm pretty certain one of us has BPD, but for some reason when i go to think about it, i can't distinguish who has it. I don't know if it's because my bad memory (especially short term) or just a blurry mind, but i can't tell. Maybe it's normal, for atleast some, for their alters to sort of blend together. Or maybe it's just me, for the reasons i said. Or maybe it's because we are so alike? But it's hard to even tell that. We don't have problems reading other people, we're really good at that, but when it comes to something like this, it's difficult. I can't seem to distinguish anything between us, and it's frustrating. It's hard for me to tell what thoughts are mine or his sometimes. I wish this could be fixed somehow, and cleared up. I wonder if anyone else experiences this, and/or knows how to help. I just get shy to post on the forums sometimes, especially so often. Plus Duke always gets on my case if it gets no replies, if someone tells me someone's already posted something similar, if there are replies but no help, etc. So a double-edged sword i guess.