Today has not been a good day. I've been sober all day besides the Ativan I just took for an anxiety attack.
I watched a video educating people about rape earlier, and I broke down a bit. Did my best to put myself back together and not really get too deep into my feelings, cause that would be an endless pit if I did. I do my best to avoid those tough feelings, even if it's not the most helpful.
Later, I started watching a movie about schizophrenia on Netflix (it's called "Strange Voices"). That led me to start researching about schizophrenia, which led me to reading about schizoaffective disorder. It was like something clicked in me. I realized I've been having delusions. I was always somewhat aware of the things I were saying/thinking were a little outrageous, but I never thought they were anything of a big deal.
I think my therapist thinks I'm schizoaffective, too. He was asking me a bunch of questions about how other people can read my thoughts. I guess we'll see what happens next time I see him. I really don't like him much, though. He's pretty unprofessional and calls me by the wrong name.
I guess I'll just try to get through today any way I can.