First love;
.
There is a good chance that most of the problem with the First Love was; I lied when I met her. If I had been myself; she would have shunned me immediately. I was a loser; I had nothing... and was and had been flunking out in school all my life. I was in a constant state of shock... Survival mode; and trauma bonded and many other related problems. Drugs had not been a problem yet but a constant. and they will get worse very soon. Worse meaning; I will move into the beginning stages of potential drug addict; but; it will not last long. I will begin overdosing and having bad trips and thus freak my brain out; injuring it from hallucinational drugs... Later this will turn into alcohol problems and another problem will arise...
.
PRIDE..
The pride in this case was; I was not in this persons league and I would have never met her... How did I meet her; it was a mistaken fluke by to drugged up young men that lied! They lied under the influence of drug use... They were not decent people to begin with... I was caught off guard. I never thought about it once asked; if I wanted to go to one of their houses with them as a guest. They said a girl lived up the street same age; a sister. They made it sound like she wanted to meet me. This was not true. His sister did not need to meet anyone and I was the last kind of person this person ever associated with. This was High School so we all know what popularetts are like. Socies, Clicks in High schools with the Rich popular types; Cheerleaders; Joks n such; that crowd. She was one of those. No Way I would ever be invited to someones house like this.
.
Dont get me wrong; Im not suggesting I didnt like myself at points; Im just suggesting these were not the type of people I would ever associate with. They were on the other side of the spectrum; completely.
.
I dont know what got into me. Im not sure at that moment; But when I was brought to the house and I said Hi! I lied about who I was. I made up all this nonsense; it sounded like I had been popular and Jock on the Football team. I had been nothing; I had been traumatized the whole time in my life and I needed a shrink and a nuthouse.
.
UNFORTUNATE INSANTITIES;
So very unfortunate for me; The ( young women) responded at least averagely to my introduction. I then made the mistake of trying to go further... She seem to be responding to me. And thats when all this horror started.
.
Later she will discard me as someone she claims she never knew and basically never liked and never met.
I made the classic mistake didnt I! I tried to cross cultural lines in High School and had dirt kicked in my face as a loser...
.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY:
.
Pride; THis is the hardest part; I simply was nothing. and I was nothing of what I lied about myself to this person. This persons whole attempt of friendly inquiring of me was based on I showing up at her house repeatedly ( she never came to mine), It was based on the elaborate manipulation through lies I created to capture this situation; I was a kind of predator I guess and I got busted... Thats basically it.
.
When I say Predator; I dont mean criminal or sexual. I mean something completely different. I was seeing how far I could go. I was surprised; if confused me that when I called her she responded and laughed at my jokes. However; Im in question as I write this because she was all fake.
.
I have this feeling I was being led on by a predator of the rich popular kind; she was setting me up to take a fall.
Ill never know; I dont get it.
I was rapped around her finger and I did not know anything was wrong. I didnt know someone was manipulating me; setting me up. I still dont get it; Until I realized I had lied about the most basic concepts of myself.
.
I gave the impression and the appearance of coming from a good family; one with money that I was accustom to.
I gave the appearance of...

[ Continued ]