I cannot know what to do in every circumstance or how to please another human. I keep trying and now I find that the lorazipam and alcohol may actually finally allow me to sleep.
i am always wrong. Why can't people have moods without shunning me in the process. I have taken back precious things. It will not even be noticed. Others ladies poetry was read twice and mine pfff
I have regrets-but hopefully I will pass out and not feel a damn thing. I do not want to feel

Isolation is a tricky deal. Protective. Giving up the opinions of others is freedom. Telling every man to ###$ off is also a bonus. Taking down all the nakedness a choice for many reasons. And now in the stripping process I look around and see very little in my way. I see less clutter on many levels.
I think great, I am safer, stronger and more stable. And then I remember what happens when a man isolates a woman and I get scared. I try not think about it in that way. It is NOT that way. My stability shaken. I will blame poor thinking at 2:40 in the morning. I will blame slight jealousy. My little girl felt as if she was not the first and that made me sad. Now is not the time for doubts. My birthday demons need to shut the fuke up. I want to run and hide.

down a flight of stairs knocked wind out of me. met with anger once again

I am not in his control any longer and he knows it. I am not going to lose my control? Saving and showing me photos of people purposely having their skin removed left me shaking. Why SAVE for ME what he knows will freak me out? It just sends me back 40 years that is all. I do not understand why he would want traumatized. It will not bring me closer, will not bring me back. That was the sickest $#%^ I have ever seen on the internet. It makes me shake inside and I hate that. I really want to peel those images right out of my head. I must let it go..so much for sleep

I sit in a seat of power. I have given up pain meds,lorazipam,xanax, weed. I want for nothing other than to feel everything. I have a contentment and peace I have never known before. I do not need vices I have used for 25 years. I want to be me and nothing else. There is nothing wrong with me.

I am not the source of his issues and I no longer take the blame for anything I am not at fault for. His usual traps are useless as I see right through them. I do not care to be the energy that is sucked dry with negativity. My energy is mine and i am no longer giving it away. I am reserved for the one who really loves me *Huge Smile*

I want for nothing else. I need nothing else. I found my bliss. I am centered and THE center.
I have dropped 6 pounds or more since I last blogged. I am cleaning out my system.

I could not be happier with today and the last 2 weeks. I hate,rage,hurt for PITA no more. He used that name to create accounts with Kay so why would I ever all him my pita again? You will never hear that again..never. I no longer belong to you. And you know it. Grow the ###$ up. Your a sad excuse for a human and I PITY YOU. I have nothing but pity for you.

I leave you behind and start anew. What I feel inside now is TRUE REAL LOVE and there is no room for negativity or excuses. I smile knowing I have everything I need within. No one can take that away and I will never surrender it to anyone ever again.