seems like this is my life. i was born into a #######5 abusive family. Family oh that word is so strange to me. my best friend is the only support i got and she is a mental case just like me. i feel angry most of the time. damn it i have no place to go and i am a female. i don't wanna run away since i know i will end up die in the street. and of course the world is a god damn dangerous place for women because of so many creeps out there. so i stuck living in this god damn house. i am crazy as hell. i have binge eating disorder. i have trust issues. i need mental counseling. My future is really doomed.
1 option: go and kill myself
2 option: kill all my #######5 family and then face execution
3 option: run away from home and die on the street or get sold into prostitution
4 option: find a man and live with him and then he will dump me after he ###$ me up
5 option: still stay silent and suffered in this shithole i called home and get abuse every single moment of my remaining life and wishing that my abusive mother (meanest piece of $#%^ in the entire world that i happen to be related to) dies a horrible death soon
6 option: go and live with my god damn ignorant father and his happy family with the dumb stepmother (the god damn bitch) and that place is so no god damn job opportunities.
so what should i choose? did i see something nice in all these options. absolutely no.
Meanwhile i stay angry and crazy doing the damn job i hate for money i desparately need and singing my favorite music to annoy the $#%^ out of family.

sitting at home waiting for employment. don't have encouragement to do anything that is different. what should i do? i know my interests and try to do them. still don't feel so happy. my thoughts are random.

damn it. i feel so stressed and depressed again. hating my damn life because i live in a #######5 broken home with abusive family members. I want to leave them for good but yeah i have no jobs, no money. i often think about suicide. in the past i was down most of the time. i feel there's no escape. I was good several months ago but now i start to come back to my binge eating and depression. i desperately need mental counseling. i feel i am gonna be crazy as i live more. i read articles about abusive relationships and i may become just like the people who abuse me. I am so scared i will turn out like that. i don't want to be like that. i want to finish my problems and get on with my life. i want to be happy. depression is really something so powerful. i want to kill all my family members for making me like this. the more i live with them, the more stressed i become and i sometimes feel i am not in control of myself. i goddamn need to relieve stress in order to relieve my bipolar symptoms. but hell no my family don't understand that. emotional support is what i lack of. i have lots of issues, mostly trust issues. i don't have good relationships with people. i think i hate people. i like to be alone most of the time. i feel no one understands me so why bother explaining to them. it's useless. god i am angry as hell.