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poosie
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Lost patience......it is a process.
   Thu Jun 18, 2015 2:35 pm

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Lost patience......it is a process.

Permanent Linkby poosie on Thu Jun 18, 2015 2:35 pm

Dear Neighbours,

I too have lost patience with the state of my yard. It seems like years since I have had any curb appeal, and I know that today it is the worst it has ever been. As you know my husband is a DIYer. He works 50 hours a week in construction. He has severe chrons and a bipolar wife.

As you can see from the last few weekends, he is working on the steps. Yes, I know what we have is not up to code, however, it will be by the end of the weekend, as long as everything goes to plan. You see it is all a process.

We are no where near completion but we are working slowly and steadily towards it. Once the rail is on, the garden will be overhauled, which is what I have been waiting for all year. I will be redoing the whole front garden as soon as all the jobs that require the men to stomp on that area are done, which is scheduled to be the end of the weekend as long as there is no rain,

Please give us a little more time to sort out the yard, and I promise we will work to make you enjoy your view of our house as we do yours.

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If I were to have to sell my house today I would have to list it as a "handyman special". So many jobs have been started, but also so many have been finished.

I know this is not good for my depression, to live in a messy house, but I can't seem to get motivated enough to clean it up. It is all a cycle, just like all the jobs that need doing are in a process. I have to break down the work into pieces and tackle it bit by bit.

First priority is my front garden. I am not a gardener, I don't enjoy it. So I have plans for a nice looking low maintenance garden and I can not wait to do it. I want to be proud of my house and be able to not feel like the crappiest house on the block.

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My dog is a jerk I know.

Permanent Linkby poosie on Mon May 25, 2015 7:03 pm

Dear fellow training parents,

I am the 2 yr old German Shepherd's mom. I know he is larger than all the other dogs, and older, and more assertive. He thinks he is an alpha male and has little or no respect for me. My family and I have been laxed in his training and he is a complete jerk. He still likes to jump on people, he likes to dominate other dogs and he refuses to pay attention to me, This is why we are in classes.

It is hard for me to be the center of attention, being in a social group setting is something I have not done for years. I am way out of my element here and really need succeed at this. Having a trained dog opens up so much for me. If I can walk with confidence then I can explore farther from my home. I can go to the dog park, take the dog with me on car rides, invite people over to my house and not have to worry that he will embarrass me with his jerkiness.

We have 3 more weeks of this session and then 6 of the next, I know we can do it with the support of my fellow classmates and the awesome trainer.

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The jerky dog is too busy ignoring me and exploring the training facility that I can not get him to focus on the training. I know that I have to do this with him so that my life with be better. I walk him a small distance, but he pulls, even with his pinch collar, and I feel like all my neighbours are watching me struggle with the dog. Then just to be the jerk I know he can be, after I warned a neighbour that he might jump up, the jerk lies down and rolls over for her to rub his belly.

9 more weeks to go, and to be honest we are making some progress, just nothing that shows much yet.

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Soccer Newbie

Permanent Linkby poosie on Fri May 22, 2015 2:14 pm

Dear Soccer Parents,

Yes he is older than some of the other players, yes he is afraid of the ball still and has no clue about the rules. None of which is his fault. He is a victim of my bipolar disorder. I couldn't commit to taking him to soccer twice a week for 3 months. So he never learned to play. This year I am committing to being at the games. It is a goal of mine, and if all goes well August will arrive and he will be a good player and an asset to the team, and I will be suntanned and still sitting on the sidelines clapping and cheering like a normal parent. There will have been no angry or crying outbursts, no missing games. I will just be a proud soccer mom.

I am so proud of him because he is doing what I can not. He is sticking it out, making light of his own issues and learning to play the game. He is having fun with it.

Please do not allow me to continue to make my son a victim. Be kind and let us figure this out, you have no idea how big of a deal this is to us, especially my son who just wants to play a sport.

Thank you

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I have isolated myself so well that my children have been innocent victims. I am so afraid and panicky when I am out in public that I have been unable to enroll them in anything that involves me. They do not know how to skate or play any sports, however, they do know how to swim because I have managed to keep them in lessons every summer.

I have not been out of my house in the evenings in many years, but a few months ago I committed to this soccer for my son. I thought it was one night per week, it is actually 2 nights. We are at the end of week 2, and I am already experiencing doubts about my ability to do this. I am hoping my son will continue to enjoy it and learn the game, and the parents do not whisper enough to set me off. I really do not want my children to witness that behaviour, which is why I do not go out much for fear of behaving out of control, which is how the cycle goes.

I am setting goals to get out of the cycle and am having some success.
Along with this commitment, I have started to go to the local mood disorder peer group one night a week. And enrolled my poorly behaved dog in obedience training. That is 4 nights a week out of the house. Big step from none.

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Ode to Derek

Permanent Linkby poosie on Tue May 19, 2015 2:52 pm

Dear Derek,

I just want to thank you for being the person you are. I am eternally grateful that I met you when I did. You are my best friend and always well be. I miss you terribly and hope you are doing well.






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A letter I will never send because I have no clue on how to contact Derek. Our friendship was totally online and he never gave me any personal contact information including his last name, even though we chatted almost daily for close to 4 years. Which was perfect for me, who might have become a stalker or arrived at his door with my kids in tow.

He was a widow living in a very rural area of Idaho. I was a married mom of small children. We became good friends, fought when things got too close, and I believe built a great friendship. It ended poorly with him saying that he had terminal throat cancer and was saying goodbye. This was several years ago.

Part of me wants to believe that he was telling me the truth, that he really was ill. But a larger part of me wants to believe he lied about that, to get away from my totally manic behaviours. Having feelings for a married woman was difficult for him and he would disappear for months only to appear again, ready to accept the realities of the situation. It fed into my mania, allowed me to feel that there was someone out there who loved me without ever meeting me. I know that I was totally honest with him, I believe he was maybe 75% honest with me. Sometimes when I am in a low place, I think that he lied to me 75% and it was a catfish situation.

Sometimes I just miss him.

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