So I got into university with AAB which is great, I can't wait to meet new people and live away from home for a while, it will be a new start which is good in my opinion.

So recently I've been smoking quite a lot of weed. Me and my girlfriend argued and came to an agreement I can smoke with my friends but it causes a lot more tension than it's worth... It was much easier just lying to her and smoking in secret, but I guess this is what I have to pay. She caught me smoking a cigarette on someone's snapchat and I told her it was a one time thing but I wanted to be able to smoke with my friends. She says "if you loved me and you know I hate it why would you smoke" but it's the same way around for me... if you loved me why wouldn't you just accept me for how I am. I like drugs, and I function without them as shown by the fact I'm not a failure and have gotten into my dream university. I also tried MDMA (probably a research chemical or PMA) and it was pretty good, made me really talkative. I find myself craving weed a lot so I'm going to try and have a break for a while.

I've started watching some anime again, re:zero was really great so far and was suggested to me by a Chinese friend I have. I've had nothing to do for the past 3 months or so since school ended so I'm excited to go to university where I'll meet people with more similar interests to me such as gaming, anime, and general geek stuff. I still will keep my current friends as I feel like we're very loyal and close at the moment, but they're at home and I'll be away.

Recently I haven't been dreaming much which kind of sucks, I tried a few lucid dreaming techniques and failed, on the other hand I haven't dreamed of my ex recently which is good and I feel like she's kind of moved out of my heart now, although I'll remember her forever. I'm probably too busy with the problems with my current gf. As I said before, she's the jealous one now even by my standards, she can be controlling and I always fight back because I refuse to be dictated but that results in tension and the blame on me for being a horrible boyfriend when the whole situation could be solved if I wasn't smoking pretty much.

I also realised I'm a pretty horrible person and a hypocrite. I love my girlfriend a lot but when arguing with her I realised I have no more arguments for why I did certain things (nothing like cheating) and my responses indicated I just don't care. I won't lie, I find it hard to care about the issue she's so upset about. But I do care about her.