I trialled sertraline for a few months, however the side effects (sweating, feeling too hot etc.) felt too much so I stopped taking it a couple months ago now. I didn't feel like it made a huge impact, although I was in a pretty bad place at the time and didn't take it for too long. I want to try another type of SSRI but I'm concerned the side effects will be the same - I can handle feeling sick and the shits but I can't take having massive sweat patches when I've got a job interview to go to.

Overall, I'm feeling slightly less depressed but not because of the antidepressants... mainly because I've got a part time job, and some routine in my life for the first time in years. Getting up early and doing something productive during the day means that there is far less time for me to be bored so I don't wallow in self pity as much. Even though I don't think sertraline helped much, I still want to try something else, I could notice some effect, it made me more calm which was nice. At the moment my biggest problem feels like my anxiety so I'd like to get a hold on that. I feel like I'm making some big steps forward in my life but there's always something holding me back.

Unfortunately today is just one of those days where I feel anxious for no reason at all, I've just been feeling very nervous with a lot of physiological symptoms (high heart rate etc.) for no apparent reason. I feel like typing up my thoughts help a lot, which is what brought me back to psychforums to write this blog post. I've got to focus on my assessment centres and interviews for graduate jobs, but it's feeling kind of difficult in this state, I'd take any graduate job at the moment just so I can be out of this limbo.

So I thought I'd take the plunge and start a course of antidepressants. I know that I've been depressed for a long while, so I don't see the harm in trying.

My life has been massively improving over the past year, but I still don't feel that great mentally. I don't really feel sad, or happy, just kind of apathetic. I'm not expecting any big differences, but Strattera (SNRI for ADHD) helped so maybe a SSRI will.

And what the ###$ I've actually managed to get a 2:1, thank god all that stress is over now

Went to Spain for a week and it was amazing how my anxiety completely dropped to 0 when I was out there no matter what I was doing. When I can convince my brain to relax and I have nothing planned I have no anxiety at all.

Second I get home and it all hits like a truck though about the work I've got to do. Only a few more months of university and then I'm free from education finally, probably the biggest trigger of stress in my life forever. Hopefully I can get a graduate job before I graduate. Honestly the feeling of ecstasy I'm foreseeing when I finally graduate and can say ###$ off to university is the only thing keeping me going.

Finally doing work and enjoying life a lot more on 20mg Elvanse. Not much else to say... I'm generally doing a lot better than in the past. I barely even use drugs anymore.