I keep dreaming of my ex. The first time recently was just a random appearance in a dream. Was in some kind of house. She was beautiful and her eyes were really blue, but I didn't speak to her. Last night, I had a large dream which I can't remember the majority. It was a house party and I was in someones glass conservatory there, I looked out the window and she was there with her friends. I felt awkward but once again she looked beautiful, and older than before. I spoke to her but not much, remembering my promise to never speak to her again. It's weird these dreams have been occurring more recently and I always feel the same when I see her in the dreams, I don't want to speak to her, but she's always eager to speak to me. Probably because I know she still wanted to be my friend when we broke up but I didn't. In the dreams she has a boyfriend, I just kind of 'know' in my dream and feel a tinge of jealousy even though I have a girlfriend now.
I guess the dreams are my internal thoughts about if she still cares or thinks about me. I feel pathetic after the dreams because I know she probably doesn't, and guilty because I have a girlfriend, but deep inside me I'm happy I finally get to see her. Feels bad man.
I'm starting to realise I'm truly ###$ up by her. It's been 2 years now and I still can't forget about her, even if I don't get jealous or think of her on a daily basis. It's kind of like I have a hidden caring for her in my subconscious I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try and hate her. I can say to myself now I dislike her, and also that I still care about her. It's weird and I don't like it. How can I be having these thoughts when I love my current girlfriend, I love her for sure. Do I still love my ex, I don't know. I don't think so though.